This is Newsfeed and I’m your favorite skinny, bald, Jewish, bespectacled, lactose-intolerant host, Eric Schwartz. Somehow, my bookwormy charm made the producers of Newsfeed say, “He’s perfect for our Super Bowl wrap up!”
Super Bowl 46 was one to remember. I was rooting for my favorite team, the..ahhh...Blue Team. In the end, it was royal blue over navy blue 21-17.
It wasn’t a particularly graceful game. In fact, when the Giants’ Ahmad Bradshaw scored the game-winning touchdown, he just kinda plopped into the end zone. Most guys would celebrate like (movement) or (movement). But Bradshaw just rolled back into it, like he was chickening out on doing a backflip at a backyard pool party.
But when all was said and done, all that mattered was the prestigious Vince Lombardi trophy. That sparkling, sterling silver statue...that all the players proceeded to make out with. I swear half of those guys slipped it the tongue.
If you’re listening Lombardi Statue, they may be champions, but that does NOT give them the right to treat you like some kind of cheap trophy.
I’m Eric Schwartz, and you’ve just been fed. Hey trophy. Call me?