One of music's most powerful couples, Beyoncé and Jay-Z were absent from last night's Grammys. But they have recently filed papers to trademark their month-old daughter "Blue Ivy's" name for possible use on a line of baby goods.
*All this time I thought they had a baby. Turns out, Beyonce gave birth to a six-pound, three-ounce business.
*By the time she's 10, she'll be publicly traded.
*Her teacher won't be allowed to call her name in class. "Blue Ivy? Blue Ivy?" "It's ya boy, Hov. You owe us 10 dollars."
They better get baby Blue into music immediately! All she has to do is remake her parents songs into infant versions.
"All the single babies, all the single babies.."
"Let's hear it for New Borns"
"I got 99 problems, but a boob ain't one…suck it!"
Her first word won't me "Mommy" OR "Daddy." It will be "Grammy."
I'm Eric Schwartz, and you've been fed.