This is a transcript of "Pain at the Pump" on Newsfeed..So you’re suffering from, ‘Pain at the Pump’, a common malady associated with the high price of gasoline and not something feared by ‘Grumpy Old Men.’ In Chicago they’ve hit an all-time record average high of $4.44 a gallon and $5 a gallon is not far off in many major cities. So I’ve developed some ways to ease your ‘pain at the pump.’ 1. If you have a bicycle ride it to your local gas station and tell the entire staff to go F themselves. 2. If you like drugs, take them. 3. If you don’t mind the taste of gasoline, siphoning gas is a lost art. So… there you have it. Go ease the pain and enjoy yourself out there, after all Bin Laden is dead.The price is gas is once again on the move hitting record prices in major cities across the nation. Here are some alternatives to ease the pain at the pump.