This is a transcript of “Pain at the Pump” on Newsfeed..So you’re suffering from, ‘Pain at the Pump’, a common malady associated with the high price of gasoline and not something feared by ‘Grumpy Old Men.’ In Chicago they’ve hit an all-time record average high of $4.44 a gallon and $5 a gallon is not far off in many major cities. So I’ve developed some ways to ease your ‘pain at the pump.’ 1. If you have a bicycle ride it to your local gas station and tell the entire staff to go F themselves. 2. If you like drugs, take them. 3. If you don’t mind the taste of gasoline, siphoning gas is a lost art. So… there you have it. Go ease the pain and enjoy yourself out there, after all Bin Laden is dead.