Actress and former Playboy centerfold Jenny McCarthy made news this weekend when she was photographed on a Malibu beach looking really hot in her bikini… This is actually pretty impressive news because I thought once you stopped posing for naked for Playboy we stopped caring that you exist.
A lot of people are impressed because McCarthy is a mother and is 38 years old. Yeah, but that’s a Hollywood 38, which means she’s actually more like 60 and is paying to look 24. Crazy how being rich and knowing plastic surgeons can make you a MILF. George Clooney… 240.
To calculate your Hollywood age, take your real age, minus 20 years, plus the number of times you’ve been to rehab, minus the number of times you’ve had “work” done, plus the number of times you’ve had a mug shot taken by LAPD and then add the number of seconds someone laughs in your face when you lie to them about how old you are.