Hey everybody welcome to news feed, I’m Mike Polk and I’m your host today because all the real hosts are holding out for A-Rod Money.

Olly Olly Oxen Free Muammer Gaddafi!

The hunt is on for the world’s least fashionable overthrown tyrant and the stakes are high! A group of Libyan businessmen are offering a huge reward for whomever captures Gaddafi and how hard can that really be? How difficult is it to find a famous dictator who’s had more cosmetic surgery done on him than Pam Anderson’s rack and a burn victim combined? He looks like like an Arabian Carrot Top.

I have very little to lose so I’ve decided to throw my hat in the ring. I’m heading to Libya and I’m goin’ huntin. Not to become famous or for the sake of Libya’s long-suffering people. Just because this is literally the only way I’ll ever be able to pay off my student loans.

I’m Mike Polk, and you’ve just been fed. Taxi to Libya!