I’m Josh Macuga with newsfeed.
So there I am planning my vacation to a small, 3rd world, fishing town in the Southern Phillipines called Agusan Del Sur when I get a text message from my pal Manny Pacquioa telling me that his buddy, whose name I can’t pronounce, lives in this lovely little piece of land overwhelmed with extreme poverty and has captured a 21 foot 2300 pound salt water crocodile, which will be transported to an ecotourism venue in some city I’ll never go to. You know what’s great about capturing giant crocodiles alive is that they can still kill more people! Welp it looks like I’m going to have to spend my frequent flyer miles on another exotic vacation destination. I will never set foot in a place where a crocodile the size of a T-Rex could eat me while I’m enjoying a Corona on a beach littered with trash and most certain malaria.
I’m Josh Macuga and you’ve been fed.