Elizabeth Taylor Dead at 79

In sad news today, Elizabeth Taylor has died. Her funeral procession will go through Hollywood and then make a stop at the local Sears perfume aisle where Grandmas everywhere will pour out a little White Diamonds for their homie. She died of congestive heart failure which is shocking because she was divorced 8 times and suffered from Tin Man disease. No heart…yknow, from Wizard of Oz. You saw it. Shut up.