Hey Everybody it’s Mike Polk for Newsfeed and let me tell ya, it has been my dream to guest host this show ever since I learned that it existed 20 minutes ago.

Whoa did you feel that? An earthquake that measured 5.8 on the richter scale hit Washington D.C. yesterday in what is being called the most blatant metaphor ever issued by God.

You know, it’s a blessing that the Washington Nationals weren’t playing a home game at the time of the quake because otherwise upwards of 40 people might have been lightly jostled.

Newsfeed has acquired this photo that someone took of Nancy Pelosi at the moment the quake hit and as you can see she is terrified, or possibly just startled. Or maybe asleep. It’s really hard to say she always looks like that.