Hey everybody I’m Mike Polk. Welcome to Newsfeed. I’m about to steal a minute of your life.

Day two of Earthquake Gate!

So, what were the responses of all of Washington D.C.’s movers and shakers yesterday when the earthquake hit the capitol? It breaks down like this:

The Tea Party Republicans have denounced the earthquake which they say was too taxing on the Earth’s crust. Hee haw!

The Christian Right Republicans refuse to believe that earthquakes exist and are referring to yesterday’s incident as a “God Sneeze”

And where was our intrepid commander in chief doing during this time of mild national crisis? Why he was on vacation of course! President Obama was finishing up the back nine at a Martha’s Vineyard golf course and reported that he didn’t even feel the earthquake when it hit. Obviously the most amazing detail of that story is that they let a black man on a golf course at Martha’s Vineyard.

Well, I think I’ll leave on that distasteful note. I’m Mike Polk, and you’ve been fed.