I'm Mike McAlister and this is Newsfeed. The trailer for The Bourne Legacy landed this weekend... to rave reviews? Now what blew me away was not action-packed scenes, but the annoying black bars that were super-imposed over almost every second of the trailer. This trailer is three starwipes away from being as well produced as my sister's eighth grade dance recital. Aaand starwipe! Jeremy Renner says quote "The project is just like the other titles in The Bourne Series, except more expansive and...bigger." Realizing that those two words mean exactly the same thing, he added 'I'm a pretty big idiot!" Producers for the film considered an alternate title: "The Bourne Ultimatum 2: If more than 20 people pay to see this, we'll cut our d---s right off!" My name is Michael McAlister and you've been fed Aaand star-wipe!