The 'brief safe' is a disguised safe that no one would ever touch because they look like poop-stained underwear. Or, you could just put your money in the bank, but that's such a silly idea no one would ever do that.
Oh geeze, I threw up on my keyboard. Why would they put a talking pig in charge of making this gallery?
Give her your best pickup line! “Would you like to put those birthing hips to use?”