My job was to deliver the plants. The packages were like that when I got there.
“A year ago, I made my husband promise to still love my body after I gave birth.”
Tell my wife I love her. Also, I forgot to mention that my wife is Alanis Morissette.
Ladies love honey, right? I made my girlfriend pancakes once and she asked for honey instead of syrup.
“I love scotch. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.”
I love Star Wars as much as I hate graffiti so if you add that to my love for comedy, I'm okay with this.