Bear Hug: A man once escaped a bear attack when he locked his arms and legs around the bear in a reverse bear hug, which made it confused and it ran off. If you're on your back and the bear is on you, it might be your last resort.
Play Dead: Okay, this doesn't work when a bear has stalked and attacked you, but will work with bears protecting their cubs or territory. So if you are a lover, not a fighter, play dead.
When you realize your Women's Studies degree won't get you anywhere so embrace the wiener.
When your roommate doesn't come home for five days but he leaves you a note in case you care.
When your six-year-old keeps asking if you need to use the bathroom and you finally find out why.
When your new mother-in-law doesn't quite fit with the rest of the family...
When you pick your girlfriend up from a house party and find her like this.
Calm The Charge: While it may be the last thing on your mind, calmly standing your ground when a bear is charging can be the best attack deflector. If you get a bluff attack as a warning, stand, wave your hands, and talk calmly to the bear.
When you're mad the pregnant lady on the Internet is still smaller than you are.
Soon to be followed by one of the Care Bears after complaints his sando has been beat to shit