The 'brief safe' is a disguised safe that no one would ever touch because they look like poop-stained underwear. Or, you could just put your money in the bank, but that's such a silly idea no one would ever do that.
She doesn't know if she should swim because she forgot her towel like a goof.
That’s like a model complaining that she didn’t do the catwalk because she didn’t fit into the clothes.
Do you like hot dogs, because with three-thousand dollars you could buy a lot of hot dogs.
One woman received car eyelashes from a friend for Christmas, 'Because I had great eyelashes so he figured my car should too.' No, no it shouldn't. It should never.
Mirror: Any small piece of mirror will do when you are trying to signal rescue planes above, but we prefer the ones that look like cookies.
MRE's: Military grade pouches of food that will get you through. Make sure to pick up the ones that do not freeze. They taste like ass, but you won't die of starvation.
Museum employees break, then superglue back together King Tut’s burial mask.