‘But when I started learning more about nutrition, I felt like it was more than that. It was getting worse and worse.’
My girlfriend likes me more when I have a beard than when I don't have a beard.
When I was a cop, I hated when people tampered with alarms, now I can just laugh and laugh.
When the girls heard their babysitter was “a giant” they thinking more of the Jolly Green variety.
He likes to sit there and scare the crap out of people when they sit down.
'Since when have people liked using the bathroom in privacy?' - This construction worker.
People trying to steal the minifridge like they won't get charged for it later.