'We're not supposed to say this, but the reason I'm hiring you right now is that it says you know how to load a first aid kit on your resume.'
'It says right here that you know what a mop is and how to use it. I can't picture anyone lying about that.'
Mike doesn't even know how to take a good picture, let alone not get caught cheating on Tinder of all places.
'It says right here on your resume that you know how to spell the word 'stop.' I don't need any further proof to know you're perfect for this job.'