Saved by the Bell was, and in some respects still is, a popular show that ran during the 80s and 90s. We all know the characters, identifed with at least one, and will forever remember it fondly.
Zack Morris was the leader. He wasn’t a jock, wasn’t smart, and wasn’t really anything other than cool, calm, and awesome. Every guy wanted to be him and every girl wanted to be with him. But Zack had a power that we all found funny, yet definitely wasn’t…
At his whim, Zack could call a “time out.” If he was in a bad situation, Zack could throw up the symbol we all know, yell “time out!” and everything would freeze except for him. He’d turn to the camera, breaking the fourth wall, and discuss his situation.
We laughed at this. We loved it. We enjoyed Zack’s insights and his ability to talk his way out of anything. But we were wrong.
We were so, so wrong.
Zack’s time outs weren’t just innocent jokes. Saved by the Bell is not the show you thought it was. It’s dark. It’s wrong. It’s quite possibly the largest-scale hoax pulled on the world.
Here are the ONLY two possible explanations of Saved by the Bell:
1. Everything Is In Zack’s Head
Zack was able to call a time out because nothing we were seeing was real. Kelly Kapowski? The girl Zack always wanted to be with. AC Slater? The jock Zack wished he was. Lisa Turtle? The stylish black lady Zack could only dream of living like. No one and nothing in Saved by the Bell was real.
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Zack always wanted to be a sub-par stripper, too.
What we were witnessing was one guy’s dream world. Bayside didn’t exist. Zack Attack never climbed the charts. The Maxx wasn’t a real restaurant ran by a probably seriously depressed magician. Zack Morris was an insane man and we were all part of his game. And this makes sense.
Bayside didn’t come off like a real school. Most of its professors were morons who, honestly, shouldn’t be teaching children. Everyone was in the same class together, which never happens in real life. People came and went without explanation. For example, where was Jesse Spano and Kelly in season five? And where did Tori Scott come from and what happened to her?
And how come Principal Belding never suspended or kicked Zack out of school? Zack deserved it plenty of times. Maybe Belding was the father Zack always wished he had? Or Belding was Zack when he was older and this was Zack’s internal way of dealing with his future-self? Or maybe Belding was a real-life person in Zack’s real world who harmed him in some deep, psychological way?
We were all pawns in Zack’s mind games.
2. Zack Is God
If you want to believe that the people and events in Saved by the Bell were real then Zack being God is the only possible explanation for his time outs.
As goofy as the show was, it asked us to take it very seriously at times. It preached about the dangers of pot and caffeine pills. It taught us about the environment during that really tedious episode where the kids chained themselves to an oil derrick. It even taught us the value of friendship and that just because we’re different doesn’t mean we aren’t humans.
And if a show is going to ask us to take themes and stories seriously, then we have to take all aspects of that show seriously.
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Pray to me.
Zack Morris is God. He is able to control and stop time with his time outs. This explanation also covers the fact that he never used the time outs for nefarious reasons. He is a just and merciful Lord.
He even turns to us and talks to us. God! Talking to us! It’s a pop culture blessing. We get to witness God discussing his trials and tribulations and witness his magical ways to get out of any and every situation.
Or maybe it was just a fun show and I’m full of shit?