Worst Rap Video Ever: International Edition

There’s a lot of terrible rap in the world, just ask Fred Durst or Chingy if you can find the Starbucks where they work.  Of course it’s by no means easy but that doesn’t stop a lot of people with no talent from clearly thinking it is and giving it a shot.  And it’s not just suburban white kids and confused DeVry grads who just learned what a rhyme is from their Intro to Grammar class, oh no.  It’s a worldwide phenomenon.  And on that note, Break presents to you Alex du 76, straight out of France (or Belgium, or French Canadia, or wherever.  It’s not like anyone is going to take credit for him).

0:01 – What is that right there in the middle of the screen?

0:20 – So that’s definitely something added in post production.  Is that a title?  Are those words?  Why is this video 20 seconds of walking and windmills so far?

0:24 – Bring back the windmill please.

0:33 – This is either French rap or a remix of the sounds Arnold Schwarzenegger made in Total Recall when he was disguised as the fat lady and the costume started to freak out.  Or possibly that scene in Ace Ventura when Jim Carrey pretends to talk backwards.

0:36 – Did Lincoln even wear his hat this high?

0:44 – Hello again, ladies.  So is your brother the rapper or the director?  Both?

0:53 – OK girls, Alex, for this shot, I want the crappiest lighting possible.  Maybe we’ll use a Hi8 camera and just point it at the sun, how does that sound?

0:58 – Even f you don’t speak French, take a moment just to listen to the rhythm of what he’s saying at this point.  It sounds like a mental breakdown.  Like his mom and dad broke up and the girl he likes won’t answer his calls and he’s failing math and the dog ran away and he has this rash that makes it hurt every time he wipes and everything in the world is awful!

1:04 – He’s smuggling pigeons under that hat, right?  Or maybe he stole some Pepsi.

1:22 – They worked on that choreography all night, you guys.

1:55 – Probably for the best that we’re staring at the sun right now.

2:58 – Even Alex looks angry at this point.

3:08 – Who the hell is that kid?

3:15 – Dude, your house sucks.

3:34 – The dancers in this video were Isabelle and Fanny.  Please go to the comments now and speculate as to which one was Fanny.