50 Shades Makes Women Into Porn Freaks

If you’re like us, you’ve been trying to wrap your brain around the hype, or at least artificial hype, surrounding the upcoming release of “Twilight for adults minus vampires,” otherwise known as 50 Shades of Grey.  All signs indicate it’s remedial literature and barely more than a wank fantasy for women a little too uptight to have actual wank fantasies at best, and at worst a piece of abusive sex fiction masquerading as romance.  But also still written on a remedial level.  Why should anyone care about this movie?  Isn’t it the Justin Bieber of film at this point 9or One Direction, if you’re a little cooler)?  Well, we may have found the film’s salvation.

A study at the University of Waterloo in Canada, because Canadian researchers spend their cash on legit research, indicates that 50 Shades is causing more women to look at porno.  Women who otherwise had never used porn before read the books and then apparently get the hankering to see what smut the world has to offer. 

In the admittedly very small study, women who read the books increased their consumption of “sexually explicit material” afterwards.  So if you’re tired of being negative and want to live your life towards positivity, here’s the silver lining around 50 Shades of Grey – even if you’re girlfriend makes you go see it, the upside is she’ll maybe be down for that rusty trombone compilation you bookmarked last week once you get home.  It’s worth a try.

Just keep in mind that, at least in a few places around the world, some people are planning to protest 50 Shades in theaters, and it might not be who you expect.  While typical uptight, mid-western moms are likely outspoken against it (despite being the core audience), anti-violence groups and at least one  group of dominatrixes (dominatrices?) are coming out against the movie which they say grossly mischaracterizes S&M as being all about violence, rape and kidnapping.

According to one Domme, real S&M is about trust and empowerment, especially for the women, while the story and movie get it twisted completely to be almost solely about the man’s growth from some fractured weenie to a whole, decent man through his ability to sexually dominate a virginal woman.  In a nutshell, it’s bad porn.

Others feel the movie in general just promotes violence against women as a fun, sexy alternative to being a decent human.  We still think it’s socially acceptable porn for uptight people who wouldn’t dream of discussing their kinks with others.  Whatever gets you through the night!