Woman Takes Matters Into Her Own Hands After Finding Out Boyfriend Was Cheating

There are generally two options people take when they find out their significant other has been cheating on them: cry like a little bitch and shake your first at the sky for how unfair life is, or get even.

Della Flores is the type of person who gets even.

Maybe it’s Maybelline, maybe it’s meth.

This past Saturday night police in Scottsdale, Arizona received a call that someone had been shot. Arriving on the scene, they found 53-year-old Della and her boyfriend, who had a gunshot wound to his penis, two gunshot wounds to his scrotum, as well as miscellaneous other shots to his neck, upper back and left thigh. It appears that Della either has the aim of Helen Keller on a roomba, or she was just looking to make the poor dude suffer.

SURPRISE: She was probably just looking to make him suffer. Why shoot him in the head when you can cripple his dick, leave some gunshot fragments throughout his torso and kill any future babies he’s got packed down there? With women, revenge is all about making the other party suffer for as long as possible without looking deranged. I had a friend in college who planted weed in her coworker’s desk to get her fired because she slept with one of her fuckbuddies. No, she and the fuckbuddy weren’t dating; “Janice” didn’t even like him in that regard. She just saw it as “Sarah” infringing on her territory.

Sarah eventually dropped out of college and moved back home. She now runs an Etsy shop that has sold approximately $0.00 worth of items and posts selfies of her and her cat to Facebook on weekday afternoons because she has nothing else to fill her time with.

Tl;dr: Don’t fuck with Janice…or any woman who’s willing to flip the safety off and go full revenge-mode.

(Disclaimer: I am no longer friends with Janice, because as you can see she’s fucking crazy. I am also no longer friends with Sarah, because she’s a fucking loser. What, you expected me to stay in touch with cat lady just because she’s the one getting picked on? Hell no.)

Real-time look at what Sarah’s been doing for the past four years.

Initially, Della tried to deny that she had been the one to fire the shots, but wound up admitting to the crime after telling police she’d learned that her boyfriend had allegedly been cheating on her. The boyfriend, however, denied the allegation and said that he didn’t even think Della owned a gun, much less knew how to use one. This brings us back to the whole “If she can ruin your life, she will” theme, because not only did police find a 32-millimete handgun in a Victoria’s Secret bag in Della’s closet, but they found sales receipts from when she purchased ammunition as well as a handwritten note with the address of a local shooting range.

I can’t say for sure that Della planned ahead of time to shoot her boyfriend, but I didn’t buy a bottle of astro glide because I wasn’t planning on trying anal for the first time this weekend. Take from that analogy what you will.

Della was arrested on one count of first-degree attempted murder and one count of aggravated assault. She is currently being held on a $750,000 bond and has a preliminary hearing scheduled for March 8th.