There’s never a good excuse for cheating. The only reason to step out on your girlfriend or boyfriend is because someone is holding a gun to your head, threatening to kick your dog and playing this song on repeat:
Note, however, that all these things have to be happening at once in order for you to have a legitimate excuse to cheat in your relationship. So if the guy holding a gun to your head isn’t also playing this song while throwing menacing glances at your corgi, you ain’t got shit. Just break up instead of cheating; it’s significantly less selfish and won’t lead to heartbroken restaurant reviews like this one. Left on the Sutlers restaurant Facebook page, Alison Chappell detailed how lovely the wine was during her dining experience and what a giant human cum stain of a boyfriend her ex-man is:
Girl could’ve used at least six more glasses of wine after that bullshit.
Luckily for her, the review didn’t go unnoticed and prompted a response out of the restaurant:
We’re sorry your visit didn’t turn out as planned.
‘Your boyfriend sounds like an absolute cad and a bounder. We deplore such actions. Its unbecoming of a true gentleman.
‘If you’d mentioned this at the time we’d have defended your honour by challenging said scallywag to a duel or at the very least given him a shake of our heads and sent him on his way with a collective tsk tsk! and advice that a gentleman should always treat his fair maiden with the utmost respect.
‘You deserve better. The next time you’re in York, with a new beau or with chums, pop in and say what-ho!
‘We’ll make sure your next visit is a far more enjoyable one. Please accept my warmest sympathies and kindest regards on behalf of all the staff at Sutlers, Captain Darling.’
Now THAT is good service. Not drop kicking your customers, telling them to fuck off or outright calling them liars looking for freebies… the fact that I even considered the restaurant might turn around and set fire to her house just goes to show how accustomed we’ve grown to being treated like shit by companies. To be fair though, when it comes to handling customers like these…
…anything is justified — including mace.