Say, have you ever been to the zoo? It’s the place we keep animals when we don’t allow them to exist in nature anymore due to their delicious spleens and tusks that are so popular in certain markets. Zoos allow us the dual benefit of giving these animals a place to live where guys in helicopters don’t routinely shoot them by the dozen and it allows for school kids to throw peanuts at them while pretending to learn about the animal’s natural habitat. It’s also a place where crazy ladies try to feed cookies to lions.
Is this the lady? We don't know.
When you’re insane, you may be of an opinion that lions, nature’s answer to the jaws of life, only with cooler hair, like Oreos. In point of fact, lions eat on average about 20lbs of pure, bloody meat per day while a male could, if he found himself at a buffet, eat upwards of nearly 100lbs. They do not eat cookies. So when a lady at the Memphis Zoo climbed into the lion enclosure to feed the lions cookies, she was not really doing them any favors.
Lucky for the lady she did not have her faced chewed off by a confused, chocolate-chip speckled lion, but she was banned for life. Word has it this was not her first incident at the zoo as she was caught throwing things at them a few weeks back, and at another time she was singing about how she missed them.
For the benefit of those of you who aren’t sure which animals you can safely try to feed cookies to at the zoo, we made this chart!