5 Reasons Why Mean Girls Is Actually A Terrible Movie

Todd-Spence by Todd-Spence on Apr. 30, 2014

CNN will have you believe that Mean Girls after 10 years is still "fetch" (Dear Lord, forgive me for saying that word, but that's what they said!) but I'll have you know Mean Girls is, believe it or not, a terrible movie.  Unfortunately, most of you have been brainwashed to believe otherwise.  Here is a list of 5 reasons as to why Mean Girls is actually just plain terrible.

5. THIS IS THE "BEST" MOVIE TINA FEY COULD COME UP WITH.

Tina Fey, who was still the head writer of Saturday Night Live during that time, wrote the script.  Currently, this is the only feature script written by Fey who wrote brilliant sketches for the late night variety show, but when it came to movies, she was about as bland as one could get.  How does someone who wrote some of the most brilliant sketches to air on SNL (the "Mom Jeans" parody commercial is classic!) make her screenwriting debut about cliche annoying high school students?

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45 seconds of Fey on SNL is a lot funnier than 2 hours of Mean Girls. I remember leaving the theater thinking how disappointed I was in Fey.  It should've been great.

4. CLUELESS DID IT BETTER.

Even though Mean Girls came out in 2004, Clueless was actually released almost 20 years ago and set the standard for trend-filled high school comedies.  By comparison, Clueless out funnys the comedy (and heart) in Means Girls to a pulp.  Let's compare: Clueless has Paul Rudd.  Mean Girls has...Jonathan Bennett.  Clueless was directed by Amy Heckerling who also directed the comedy classic Fast Times At Ridgemont HighMean Girls was directed by...this guy.  Who also directed...Freaky Friday

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"Merp."

3. THE DIRECTOR ACTUALLY FOUGHT TO MAKE IT A WORSE MOVIE.

What I mean by that is apparently Fey's script was a lot more honest and true to teen life than what the end product would have you believe, with director Mark Waters fighting to turn the film from an R-rating to PG-13.  For example, the line "Amber D'Alessio gave a blow job to a hot dog," had to be changed to the ridiculous "Amber D'Alessio made out with a hot dog."  That choice made for a better comedy, right?  If only Animal House was PG, it'd be WAY funnier.  At least HBO let Lena Dunham have at it and go full throttle on the jokes.  Not that her show is REALLY good or anything.

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2. MEAN GIRLS IS ACTUALLY BASED ON A BOOK.  A GOOD BOOK.

Not that movies based on a books should them automatically terrible (not always anyway), but in this case, the makers of Mean Girls took Rosalind Wiseman's helpful guide to parents on how to deal with their teen's serious issues and turned it into just a run of the mill comedy starring Lindsay Lohan.  Rosalind Wiseman also founded the Empower Program, a national violence-prevention program based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity.  But I guess having girls say "fetch" over and over again is way more interesting.

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1. MEAN GIRLS  KILLED MY COUSIN.

That's not true, but what it did do is spawn a slew of copycat versions based on the success of Mean Girls, that are currently ruining Netflix Instant.  I can't scroll through comedies without finding a really terrible version of MG staring back at me.  I'll let you guess what GBF stands for.

 

 

I mean, if everyone wants to celebrate that ABC Family-style bland comedy starring vapid women with shallow thoughts over and over again, I suppose I can't stop you but at least leave my Netflix Instant alone.  It's the only shelter I have.

Thankfully, this is also the 20 year anniversary of Pulp Fiction, something we can all celebrate together.

@Todd_Spence