Why Going To Prom With Kate Upton Is A Bad Idea

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Mar. 22, 2013

Like most young men, high school senior Jake Davidson finds Kate Upton attractive. So attractive that he couldn't contain himself from asking her to go as his date to his senior prom. He created this video and tweeted it to her:
 


 
It's clever enough to make you look past the obvious low production value (I say as I sip my tea, pinky finger high in the air, then nod and look at you through my monocle). It features his dog, some nice word play, and enough self-deprecation that it might just work.
 
OH WAIT IT DID.
 

 
And that, my friends, is how this kid fucked himself over.
 
Going to prom with Kate Upton is a terrible idea for many reasons.

1. All The Other Girls At School Will Now Hate You - What? They're not good enough for you? A girl has to be a supermodel to go out with you? What makes you so special? This stunt isn't going to win you over with the girls who would have actually put out which brings us to…

Best. Bride. Ever.

2. You're Not Getting Laid - Your chances were low to begin with, but now that your date is Kate Upton, your chances are a scientifically accurate 0%. Kate Upton doesn't put out for just anyone (She and I talked about her sexual conquests a lot the other morning while she ate the breakfast I cooked for her after my pickup line, 'Hey, what kind of breakfast do you like? Because I'm going to make it for you after we bone all night long.” Completely worked). The closest you're going to get to any action is pressing your face up against her chest. Which leads us to…

This is from America. You're welcome, world.
 

3. Blue Balls - You're going to be in a TON of pain. If you can walk by the end of the night, then you might just be a fucking superhero because your nuts are going to be as blue as the bluest blue you've ever seen. When you get home, rubbing one out is going to feel like masturbating with sand paper. Enjoy!

Enjoy prom night!

4. You're Going To Discover Which Teachers Are Really Weird - You know that chemistry professor you thought was cool? Well, when he keeps trying to talk to your date about "cool chemical reactions" and "explosions," you're going to be real embarrassed.
 
5. You'll Be Sad Forever - The next morning… Alone. Sad. Tears from the horrific self-session from hours ago still dried on your face. You'll realize you're just Jake Davidson, high school senior, that guy who took Kate Upton to prom. And you'll cry some more.
 
This is a warning to everyone out there: don't ask hot supermodels to prom. It only leads to a life of despair.

The entire night in GIF metaphor.


 

26 comments
rezzy
rezzy User

This kid lives in a very nice house, wears very nice clothes, and appears to be a spoiled cocky little man. I hope he gets the date and it ruins him for life.

rezzy
rezzy

This kid lives in a very nice house, wears very nice clothes, and appears to be a spoiled cocky little man. I hope he gets the date and it ruins him for life.

blisteringlogic
blisteringlogic User

You bumped your head. 1. All the other girls at school will be all up on his jock to find out what's so great about the guy that a super model went out with him. 2 No, but that's not what he has to tell his friends... or not say anything, because people will always wonder, either way, it ups his cred. 3. I'll give you that one, but still he gets to rub one out to a super model he took to prom- WELL WORTH IT. 4. This one doesn't even make a shred of a coherent point. 5. Better to have

blisteringlogic
blisteringlogic

You bumped your head. 1. All the other girls at school will be all up on his jock to find out what's so great about the guy that a super model went out with him. 2 No, but that's not what he has to tell his friends... or not say anything, because people will always wonder, either way, it ups his cred. 3. I'll give you that one, but still he gets to rub one out to a super model he took to prom- WELL WORTH IT. 4. This one doesn't even make a shred of a coherent point. 5. Better to have

whitedevil2
whitedevil2 User

i agree with crazy. i mean, Busey

spandino4pres
spandino4pres

Jealous much break Mark?!...and no one believes you banged her.

Buttrocket-McGee
Buttrocket-McGee User

I just hope he has loaded up on Jergens and Kleenex for the all day jerkathon he'll have the next day.

Buttrocket-McGee
Buttrocket-McGee

I just hope he has loaded up on Jergens and Kleenex for the all day jerkathon he'll have the next day.

EndOfEden
EndOfEden User

I'm probably going to get a lot of dislikes for this, but...Don't care opinions need to be said. This guy sounds like he maybe gay, but hasn't come out of the closet just yet. Kate Upton wont lie has a nice body, but probably has boob implants. Her face never really caught my attention, but will say this she's much more fine than Megen Fox which I still will never understand why people find that rude bitch beautiful. Shes like the wannabe version of Angelina Jolie.

EndOfEden
EndOfEden

I'm probably going to get a lot of dislikes for this, but...Don't care opinions need to be said. This guy sounds like he maybe gay, but hasn't come out of the closet just yet. Kate Upton wont lie has a nice body, but probably has boob implants. Her face never really caught my attention, but will say this she's much more fine than Megen Fox which I still will never understand why people find that rude bitch beautiful. Shes like the wannabe version of Angelina Jolie.

Steven-Bowers-899
Steven-Bowers-899 User

Anyone over 21 can't go to prom with a student in almost all states, so sorry. This kid is a pansy and moron, as well as invisible at school; and even though Break sounds mad.. they are 100% scientifically accurate.

Steven-Bowers-899
Steven-Bowers-899

Anyone over 21 can't go to prom with a student in almost all states, so sorry. This kid is a pansy and moron, as well as invisible at school; and even though Break sounds mad.. they are 100% scientifically accurate.

Aaron-Johansen-94
Aaron-Johansen-94

if she shows up... epic with for this kid, and he will NEVER be forgotten

eXimum
eXimum User

u mad break?

Daniel-Scheper-70
Daniel-Scheper-70

you never know ...she might have a dorky lil nerd fetish and it may get her off that she could ruin it for future wives to come that she was his first. not to mention if he is strategic he may be able to get her drunk enough to take it to that level. i mean think about it he actually could literally be "King of the Nerds." you bet your ass if i were him i'd just roofie her ass and get mine anyway. lol

Daniel-Scheper-70
Daniel-Scheper-70

you never know ...she might have a dorky lil nerd fetish and it may get her off that she could ruin it for future wives to come that she was his first. not to mention if he is strategic he may be able to get her drunk enough to take it to that level. i mean think about it he actually could literally be "King of the Nerds." you bet your ass if i were him i'd just roofie her ass and get mine anyway. lol