Are Hairy People Sexy?

This question was posed on the Huffington Post, so you know it’s real journalism and not just some crap Break editors asked each other after work when we retired to the boiler room for another night of Ramen noodles and huddling around a rat we set on fire to keep warm.  This is real Walter Kronkite shit.

The Huffpo, as us newsies call it, actually posed this question only about women, which we felt was superfly sexist, so we expanded to include yak-like dudes because equality is key when you’re judging sexiness based on a shallow, exterior quality.

Now, as it stands in today’s modern, Western society, the standard of beauty seems to shy away from hair. We have creams and waxes and 6 blade razors to ensure you have not a single errant hair on your body, not to mention lasers and other professional devices.  Porn, of course, treats hair as a fetish and the norm is to be balder than an eagle and spread twice as wide.   Even dudes need smooth chests to avoid that 70’s era Magnum PI look that says  “hey, how do you get gum off your nipple hair?”

The Huffpo article did some quick calculations and came up with a figure of 57 days.  57 days is the length of time a woman will spend, in her life, shaving her legs.  57 entire days.  That is a lot of shaving.  According to a random site I Googled that had no references whatsoever, but did have a trustworthy color scheme, a man will spend up to 138 days of his life shaving his face.  So overall we’re wasting a lot of our lives just getting rid of hair.

We all know that we do it, the question then becomes why.  Is it practical at all?  Some men say yes as having a beard, for instance, can be a real pain in the ass.  That furry monster is not for everyone and can often be itchy and uncomfortable.  But then why shave legs and chests and pubes, what’s the reason there?  We all know the answer – it’s for esthetics.  We, as a whole, think it looks better.

There is some backlash against the shaving and waxing movement, those who feel it’s natural to go all bald-like, or creepy in some way, and who say that there’s nothing wrong or gross about natural beauty and your body as it was meant to be.  And while that is a sentiment that sounds reasonable and rings true in a philosophical way, on the ground floor of reality is it true at all?  Consider this;

  • BO is natural
  • Not washing is natural
  • A total lack of hygiene, from your ass up to your teeth, is natural

Fact is, being “just the way you were created” without any tweaks or improvements, is not the way any of us actually live.  We try to fix and clean our various stanks, we tidy things up, we scour our teeth, we slap on fragrances and even if you’re an anti-deodorant hippie I bet you still wash your ass and brush your teeth because hygiene is important and actually improves your quality of life, just ask anyone who lived in an age before doctors knew that soap was needed before surgeries.

As it happens, shaving your pubes does not actually improve your hygiene, it has very little effect on it and, if anything, could make it worse by opening you to more infection and ingrown hairs and the like.  It’s also meant to protect your bits from friction burns, the elements, raiders and all that jazz.  Wax yourself and you’re exposed and vulnerable to attack from cellulitis and rashes and all kinds of other grossness, which ruins the whole “doesn’t this look sexier?” idea you were probably aiming for in the first place.  If all goes as planned, though, you can’t deny that it will at least look cleaner, even if it technically isn’t.

The HuffPo article actually doesn’t bother to definitively answer its own question but it’s obvious from the tone that it’s in support of women being themselves.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  But remember, you can be yourself in full clown make up too, the things you do to your outward appearance don’t change the person inside, so let’s not make mountains out of molehills and stick to the really shallow question at hand – if you’re judging a person based on literally nothing more than what they look like naked, do you prefer hair or no hair?  I will venture a guess that most people are picking no hair and/or less hair for both sexes.   But what do you think?  The Huffpo asked, so we need answers, what makes an attractive human?

  • Full on 70’s bush with hairy pits and legs and all
  • A more refined and nicely kept look with neatly trimmed hair
  • Bald and slicker than a seal

Have your say and destroy those in the comments who would dare voice an opposing view!