Why Adopting Your Girlfriend Is Wrong

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Mar. 28, 2013

John Goodman is a gross dickhole. Not the John Goodman we know from Roseanne. He's cool. This John Goodman is a 49-year-old who tried to adopt his 42-year-old girlfriend in 2011.

During his divorce, a civil suit came about and he desperately wanted his girlfriend to have some of his money. And what better way to do that than to make her one of his children and guarantee her money under the trust fund he and his ex-wife set up for their two biological kids?

The adoption was approved in 2011, but yesterday, was rejected due to being "so contrary to the beneficent purposes of such an action." Also probably because f**k this dude.

"Woody Allen is my hero, Judge."

While a smart idea in a legal sense, there are many moral and ethical questions that arise. Mainly is it weird to bang your adopted daughter?

Yes, that is weird. I think we can all agree that's weird. But, these two had been dating for a while before they decided to tie the daddy-daughter knot.

So... is it weird then? Yes, still, I think we can all agree it's very weird. BUT... is it as unethical? That's an interesting debate right there.

Under this agreement, she would receive about $16.75 million over the rest of her life ($5 million up front!) That's a lot of money. Enough money that ethics might be forgotten because f**k ethics when you have $16.75 million dollars!

Oh yeah, Goodman is in jail for 16 years for driving drunk and crashing, killing his passenger.

"She looks so young, like she could be his young girlfriend / daughter!"

After seconds and seconds of deliberation, I can come to conclusion that this guy is an one of the most unethical douches I've ever read about yet incredibly smart. He found a way to circumvent laws and morals to get his girlfriend rich AND continue banging a woman who looks good for her age. If anyone deserves to be given a delicious steak then beaten to almost death, it's this guy.

I can't wait to adopt Kate Upton!

Mark (follow me @marksingletree)

 

21 comments
Brian-Nugent-462
Brian-Nugent-462

Mark, before trying to get some journalistic cred writing for BREAK, do your homework. This guy was drunk and high on cocaine and left his sprawling polo ranch at 2am in his Bentley Continental and went hurtling down the road and tboned some poor teenage boy at 100mph and launched the kid i a canal. He then got out of his car and walked away as the kid drowned. He was on his way to get more coke btw.

John-West-895
John-West-895 User

just when you think you've seen weird....something like this comes up..speaking of comes up, hows that prison time working for ya.

John-West-895
John-West-895

just when you think you've seen weird....something like this comes up..speaking of comes up, hows that prison time working for ya.

Sigmarlboro
Sigmarlboro

How can folks say incest, polygamy, bestiality, pedofilia is immoral but not gay marriage? We're doomed as society, God have mercy.

Sigmarlboro
Sigmarlboro

How can folks say incest, polygamy, bestiality, pedofilia is immoral but not gay marriage? We're doomed as society, God have mercy.

Oorlog
Oorlog

I still blame the crony Family Court system for being more douchy than this guy.

Oorlog
Oorlog

I still blame the crony Family Court system for being more douchy than this guy.

Cheri-Shire-676
Cheri-Shire-676 User

Actually, he crashed into another guys car which knocked it into a canal and the guy drowned. This scumbag never called the cops and then tried to hide his assets with this adoption bullcrap. I think he wins the coveted "KING DOUCHE" award. I hope he gets adopted by Bubba in prison and then Bubba marries him and begins an incestuous relationship on this guys ass.

Cheri-Shire-676
Cheri-Shire-676

Actually, he crashed into another guys car which knocked it into a canal and the guy drowned. This scumbag never called the cops and then tried to hide his assets with this adoption bullcrap. I think he wins the coveted "KING DOUCHE" award. I hope he gets adopted by Bubba in prison and then Bubba marries him and begins an incestuous relationship on this guys ass.

llga01
llga01 User

Yes he is a douche but get your facts straight. He killed ANOTHER DRIVER in the drunk driving crash...NOT his passenger. Also the adoption was to shield money from the civil lawsuit brought by the parents of the OTHER DRIVER he killed in the crash. Another reason this guy is a douche is that he supported comrade obamas!

llga01
llga01

Yes he is a douche but get your facts straight. He killed ANOTHER DRIVER in the drunk driving crash...NOT his passenger. Also the adoption was to shield money from the civil lawsuit brought by the parents of the OTHER DRIVER he killed in the crash. Another reason this guy is a douche is that he supported comrade obamas!

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168 User

Oh, this site reports news now. Best leave that to the pros, or you know, people even remotely decent at doing it.

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168

Oh, this site reports news now. Best leave that to the pros, or you know, people even remotely decent at doing it.

John-West-895
John-West-895 User

incest, polygamy, bestiality, pedofilia is immoral. but you are not born with these traits! these are learned moral diciplines one has to own up to sooner or later. i was born a heterosexual....i didn't choose to. morals my butt. noone has any common sense anymore.

John-West-895
John-West-895

incest, polygamy, bestiality, pedofilia is immoral. but you are not born with these traits! these are learned moral diciplines one has to own up to sooner or later. i was born a heterosexual....i didn't choose to. morals my butt. noone has any common sense anymore.

John-West-895
John-West-895 User

politics has nothing to do with this. you are either conservative in this or you are liberal. if you dont know the difference....step away from the keyboard.

John-West-895
John-West-895

politics has nothing to do with this. you are either conservative in this or you are liberal. if you dont know the difference....step away from the keyboard.

abeljohn325
abeljohn325

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