This week, followers of the McDonald’s twitter account (seriously? who follows McDonalds?!) were shocked to see this, out of the blue:
A short while later McDonald’s quickly claimed the tweet was the result of being hacked. Some conservatives noted McDonald’s didn’t apologize to Trump, and now threaten boycotts.
All this would be weird if it weren’t a hack. Trump is known to have a connection with McDonalds. He’s a fan of fast food, and his favorite appears to be the golden arches. He even ate McDonald’s to celebrate when he secured the nomination:
Trump is also known to have powerful friends high up in the McDonald’s organization:
So let’s take McDonald’s at their word. If they didn’t do it, and it was a hack, who did it?
a) The Hamburglar?
The “Hamburglar” (real name: Hank H. Burglar) is a one-man crime spree. He’s responsible for the second largest number of criminal incidents involving McDonald’s restaurants. The largest number were caused by “guy high on Meth”.
But the hacking doesn’t really seem like the Hamburglar’s deal. Unless you can show me how he personally ends up getting hamburgers from all this, I don’t buy it.
Anyways, he’s been living in seclusion after a botched plastic-surgery situation a few years back. Rumors say he’s also suffering from diet-related heart disease; in which case the Hamburglar’s criminal days are over.
b) Mayor McCheese?
Mayor McCheese is a lifelong Ted-Kennedyesque Establishment Democrat. A seriously crooked one, too. He never met a sex or money scandal he didn’t like. Both Bill and Hillary considered him a personal mentor.
But Mayor McCheese is a man who lives in the past. He hasn’t won an election since 1987. His connection to McDonald’s is largely honorary now. Even if Democrats wanted to use McCheese to get a hacker into the corporation, it’s unlikely he could do it.
He may also be suffering advanced Senile Dementia; he recently claimed Rand Paul was actually a Russian Spy. Wait, my bad, that was John McCain who said that!
c) The Competition?
This is more possible than the former choices. We know Trump loves McDonald’s. We also know that lots of the core Trump voter demographic are also core McDonalds’ customers. If a competitor could plant a hack to cause a rift between McDonald’s and the Trump movement… well, all them rednecks boycotting McDonalds gotta eat somewhere, right?
This could very well be the work of the King, or the Colonel, or that little strumpet Wendy. The King and Ronald hated each other from day one. Wendy had a horrific tabloid break-up with Grimace. And the Colonel is still the prime suspect in the mysterious disappearance of McDonald’s first female celebrity (“Birdie”) back in 2008.
d) The CIA?
This one’s no shock. As the Wikileaks Vault-7 files revealed, the CIA has in fact hacked every electronic device on the planet. And they figured out how to make any of their hacks look like it was done by Russians.
They also despise Donald Trump so much, that ex-CIA Neocons were headliners of the Establishment-conservative “NeverTrump” movement. In fact, a CIA agent (Evan McMuffin; no known relation to the McDonald’s breakfast food) was the NeverTrumpers’ 2016 candidate; attempting to steal enough Republican votes to give the election to Hillary instead.
On the other hand, this doesn’t seem like stuff even the CIA would stoop to. For starters, they didn’t find a way to make us think the Russians did it! Also, Evan McMuffin (sometimes incorrectly spelled “McMullin”) is a big fan; the 40-year old Mormon ‘bachelor’ has probably hung out at various McDonald’s late at night, to discreetly meet male friends.
e) A Disgruntled McDonald’s Employee Hopped Up on Special Sauce?
Let’s face it, there’s a certain lack of professionalism in the ranks of McDonald’s employees. Could be that Todd, who works with the McNuggets, decided to get a bit heavy on the special sauce (and by “special sauce” I mean the goop they put on Big Macs… and also, I mostly mean Meth), and wandered his way into the manager’s office to do some rogue Tweeting.
Be it prank or revenge, maybe someone on the inside did it. It could be someone pissed off at how thanks to liberals’ “$15 minimum wage”, McDonald’s and other fast food now find it cheaper to replace workers with robots.
Of course, the problem with suspecting an Employee is that the half most likely to do this kind of thing are also the half that probably don’t know how to write their own names, much less post on Twitter.
f) The Same Hackers That Hacked a Bunch of Twitter Accounts This Week?
This last week, a ton of ‘verified’ Twitter accounts, from groups like Amnesty International, UNICEF, the BBC, Forbes, plus a bunch of political/celebrity accounts were hacked. Tweets sent out from those accounts were described as “nazi” by the media (because they saw a swastika, and because Establishment Media are too cowardly to admit the real culprits); but they were really sent by Islamist Turkish fanatics.
The Tweets say, in Turkish, that Germany and Holland are Nazis (hence the swastikas) for criticizing Turkey on human rights. They linked a video with anti-semitic Islamist statements by Turkish President Erdogan, and contained vague threats about the April 29 referendum meant to give Erdogan dictatorial powers.
So I’m not saying it was Turkish Islamists who hacked McDonald’s, though it could be. But it might have been some other hacker who figured out how the Turkish Islamists did it: it was thanks to “Twitter Counter”, an app ‘verified’ Twitter accounts use to track their popularity. Twitter Counter is technically third party, but licensed and implicitly approved by Twitter. It was also a massive security failure which allowed all those accounts to be hacked.
You can bet McDonald’s execs were using Twitter Counter too.