Who Caused The OK Tornadoes: Obama Or Kevin Durant?

The devastation in Oklahoma is absolutely depressing. Many dead, millions of dollars of damage, and who is to blame? Well, if you said, “There’s no one to blame. It’s a natural disaster,” then some would think you were 100% incorrect.


Conspiracy theorists are having a field day with the Oklahoma tornadoes, somehow blaming the government. You know, the government that can’t spy on journalists without getting caught or pass a bill to save its life or figure out health care (Canada figured out health care before us. CANADA). You know, that government. Because of HAARP.


So majestic… so evil…


The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is an unclassified research station in the middle of nowhere, Alaska, funded by the Pentagon, and used by the Air Force and Navy to study how radio waves work within the Earth’s atmosphere.


But that sounds too… normal. Conspiracy theorists say this station is used for nefarious purposes, such as flipping the earth’s magnetic poles, triggering earthquakes, burning up the sky, controlling minds, and creating (drumroll) tornadoes.


And why? Well, to hide government problems of course! This time, the conspiracy nuts are saying Obama ordered the Oklahoma tornadoes to take focus off his current problems with the media, Benghazi, and poor basketball skills. And we can’t forget when people said George W. Bush used HAARP to cause Hurricane Katrina to distract from his presidential woes.

Can we really trust someone that uses Bing?

But the government is too easy to blame. Maybe the blame goes higher, like to God…


Westboro Baptist Church is blaming Kevin Durant, the star of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball team, because he didn’t immediately call for the death of Jason Collins, an NBA player who came out gay. And because of that, God punished his state’s team.


Wait a second… thunder are signs of storms… which cause tornadoes… which HAARP creates… because Obama ordered it.


Obama is… God?


See? Conspiracy theories are stupid and lead you to moronic conclusions.


– Mark (follow on twitter)