Christmas is almost around the corner. That means your mailbox is about to get flooded with all sorts of cards wishing you the best of holiday cheer featuring images of Christmas celebrations that only happen in Norman Rockwell paintings and people who can afford to hire a caterer. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the thought or the fact that someone took time out of their busy day to send us a Christmas card but it would be nice if someone would mix it up for a change. Who said that Christmas cards had to be so boring, dull and unoriginal? We scoured the web and dcame across 10 strange holiday greeting cards that would make our holidays a lot less predictable.
The Internet is full of family portraits that we can’t un-see but this one makes us thankful that we’re not as close to our family as the brood in this portrait. It’s not that we don’t like our families but we’ve never been close enough to be in a situation where a photographer would say, “Excuse me, Pop, but your junk is still in the shot.”
We’re not judging anyone’s sexual preferences. We’re sure there are some sexy Christmas cards for all sexual appetites and we’re sure this bit of festive beefcake brought made someone’s Christmas very merry. The only reason we’d be creeped out is if it was someone’s grandma.
It’s not entirely clear if the polar bear with the razor sharp teeth is picking up the arctic explorer in order to wish him a Merry Christmas or enjoy an early Christmas treat of his own. We just know we really wish that Coca-Cola would use this bear in their next round of Christmas ads.
There are two things about this photo that bothers us and the fact that she dressed as a monkey as a human baby is the least concerning. She also doesn’t appear to be wearing any pants. Maybe she’s trying to hint at the fact that she’d like a pair for Christmas.
Loving moms love to send out Christmas cards to their children. We’re pretty sure that they don’t love to be reminded of the pain they went through in order to bring their children into the world. We’re also sure they wouldn’t want to imagine what it’s like if the baby was holding a pine tree branch at the time they were being pushed out of their birth canal.
Christmas should be a time of peace, togetherness and giving and nothing says that more than some a-hole dressed as a jester teasing a prisoner with a delicious Christmas meal. At least, we hope that’s what he’s planning on doing with that knife.
Children may create some of the more delightful sights during the holidays as they rush downstairs to rip open their Christmas presents that “Santa” brought them but they can also be a huge pain sometimes. We’ve all thought about tying up some of the more annoying ones with lights and duct-taping their mouths shut but we don’t do it and not just because “it’s Christmas.” It’s still illegal on Christmas, Thanskgiving, Arbor Day or any other time of the year and we’re pretty sure CPS has at least one office open during the holidays.
We have no idea what this thing is or why it crawled out of the bowels of Hell’s produce section to wish us a Happy New Year. The only upside is that it reminded us to get our prostate checked next year.
The only thing festive about a frog mugging is that they have a lot of red and green.
This guy takes making awkward Christmas cards to the expertise of a French impressionist painter. Every year, they get more inappropriate and weird and this faux-festive sacrifice might just be our favorite.
Find me at @ThisIsDannyG