The 5 Most Insane Careers for Little People

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Apr. 23, 2014

Have you ever considered life as a little person?  It can’t be particularly easy.  The world is designed for people of average height, so when you’re two feet smaller than the low end of average, how do you make your way?  And what do you do for a living?  Turns out there’s a handful of go to jobs for little people out there and while they can arguably do anything including being doctors and lawyers, dammit if these jobs don’t keep popping up.

Mini Versions  Of

The band MiniKISS has been on tour now for years and has performed with literally dozens of real and very good acts.  And they are exactly what you assume they are – four little people in KISS makeup, as if one regular sized Gene Simmons wasn’t bad enough on his own.

Everyone from the A-Team to Ozzy Osboune have their own mini version, not to mention a pretty decent number of little Elvis impersonators.  If a little person even bares a passing esemblance in the most perfunctory of ways to a celebrity, you got yourself a job as a mini doppelganger.

Why the hell are people fascinated with little clones?  God only knows.  If Hollywood movies are any guide (they aren’t) then historically people in medieval times really enjoyed watching little people put on goofy performances pretending to be well known nobles and knights.  Hell, that just happened in a recent episode of Game of Thrones, even.  Little people pretending to be big people is entertainment on a primal level.  Someone once even made a movie in the 1930s called The Terror of Tiny Town, a western that featured an all dwarf cast.  Why?  Why not?

Wrestlers

Midget wrestling has long held an odd place in the hearts and minds of Americans, and many people overseas.  Never underestimate the love of midget wrestling in Japan and Australia.  And yes, we know that’s not the PC term but its what people call it and, in general, a little person dressed as Hulk Hogan getting thrown out of a ring by a grown, greasy man isn’t PC anyway, so let’s not split hairs.

Back in the day midget wrestling was a pretty viable method of entertainment.  Midgets would head into the ring and basically goof around for a few minutes in a pretend match, bumbling about Three Stooges style.  It wasn’t real, no one thought it was real, and it was meant as a gag, mostly at the expense of the little people themselves. 

Rather than legitimize it, midget wrestling for a long while just faded away and was never seen, but every so often it’d rise again as a joke, such as in the early 90s when Doink the Clown would come ot the ring with three midget sidekicks Dink, Wink and Pink.

These days the WWE still has Hornswoggle around, a man whose very name belies the seriousness with which midget wrestling is taken.

7 Dwarfs

As long as someone is willing to make Snow White into a movie, 7 little people will have jobs.  You might think that’s entirely impractical but remember that in 2012 alone there were two adaptations that made it to theatres plus the show Once Upon a Time.  That’s 21 little people right there.

Porn

Bridget. Gidget. Twidget.  That last one is clearly not a name, but there’s a porn star who uses it as a name because it sounds like midget and that’s good enough.  As long as porn is a viable medium, midget porn is going to be a viable genre.  That’s just the way people are.  People love porn.  Even if it’s little.

TLC

TLC is the most despicable channel on the internet owing to its penchant for exploitative garbage.  Nearly every show they broadcast is meant to exploit the people on the show as a freak show.  19 Kids and Counting?  Freaks.  My 600lb Life?  Freaks.  Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?  Freaks. 

The network attempts to remain silent, the documentarians behind the scenes who offer no commentary, but by virtue of airing show after show featuring people that ‘normal’ folks make fun of, it’s clear what they’re up to – TLC is pointing and laughing at these people in a way that makes it seem like they’re not, which makes it even worse.  Because it’s easier to exploit someone who doesn’t know they’re being made fun of than the alternative. 

One of TLC’s original targets for exploitation before hillbillies, fat people and those with mental illnesses were so readily available were little people.  From Little People Big World to the Little Couple to Little Chocolatiers, which wouldn’t be interesting no matter how tall the people were, the channel is endlessly fascinated by small size.

2 comments
COHockey
COHockey User

Frankly I was expecting more from this article, it came up a little short.