5 Dumb Facts About Batman That Will Make You Question Everything

Today marks the 75th anniversary of Batman, a character created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger in 1939. It’s hard to believe the caped crusader is 75-years-old but it’s even harder to believe that Batman wasn’t so bright back in the day, if not just a little questionable.

So here are five facts about the original dark knight from his early days dating back to his first appearances in DC’s Detective Comics.

#5. Batman’s Mysterious Car…or lack thereof.

Before Batman had his sleek all black mobile that fans love today, he drove around what looked like his grandma’s car. In the early years, Batman thought it’d be best to sneak up on evil-doers driving a bright red sedan bigger than the normal driveway.  As you can see, it is almost as bright at night as it would be during the day!

Looks more like something Two-Face would drive. “Thanks, Nana! I’ll have it back by 9!”

#4. Batman Keeps His Secret Identity Well-Hidden…but 10 people know he’s Bruce Wayne.

There’s nothing worse than being a crime fighter while letting the actual criminals know who you are, and subsequently able to look you up in the telephone book, find out where you live and go set your place on fire. Batman, you derp.

The following characters are a list of the people that know Bruce Wayne is actually Batman.

  • Inventor, handyman and one-time Penguin henchman Harold;
  • Superman (and Wayne knows who’s behind Kent’s nerdy glasses);
  • Superhero Azrael;
  • Superhero Batgirl (a.k.a. Barbara Gordon, aka wheelchair-bound, crime-fighting librarian Oracle);
  •  and three enemies (Bane, Ra’s Al Ghul and Hugo Strange), although all three learned the truth during the Crisis of Infinite Earth (a massive 1985 DC Comics event) then conveniently forgot.
  • Of course, all three Robins (Dick Grayson, Jason Peter Todd and Tim Drake)
  • Batman’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth;

Hell, if I was Batman, I wouldn’t even tell Alfred. Common sense would tell me he’d rather take a sweet payday from The Penguin for my real name than clean my dirty bachelor bed sheets.

#3. Batman Had Love Interests Julie Madison, Vicki Vale and even Catwoman…yet shared a bed with Robin.

Hey, to each his own. If Batman had a thing for Robin, I personally wouldn’t care because Bob Kane and Bill Finger want it that way (obviously). They made the guy! Do what you want with him. But if he’s not a homosexual, than it’s just strange to want to share a bed with your co-worker at an adult age. Maybe the truth is he hadn’t aged mentally since the death of his parents so he’s stuck wanting to always be a child, have sleepovers and play with neat toys. Either way, what was going on there??  Seriously…what is that.

#2. Batman Had Many Cool Gadgets…but loved using guns the most.

via sacomics

Nothing beats a superhero that just shoots at people. This one just cracks me up. I especially love in the bottom right image, Batman isn’t so sure his gun won’t kill him. Thankfully, later on Batman began to use his more sophisticated weaponry against crime. Even though some Gotham citizens would probably prefer him to just shoot the Joker dead and get it over with.

#1. Batman Fights Crime…but has had his ass handed to him more times than we can count.

This one goes beyond the early days of Batman and into his comic series as a whole. Sure, Batman has beaten up many a bad guy in his day, but he’s had the hell beaten out of him so many times, it’s honestly hard to keep track. Here’s are a few of the villains and characters that have slapped Batman senseless.

The Joker, The Reaper, Deacon Blackfire, Wonder Woman…

…Sgt. Branden, Superman, Bane, Deathstroke, Shiva, Jason Todd, Clayface, Prometheus, Mutant Leader, Bronze Tiger and my personal favorite, Predator.

Does this technically make Arnold stronger than Batman??

Listen, I do love Batman, the guy is only human with zero superpowers as we can see, which makes his mistakes that much more charming. But we can’t help but laugh at the mistakes he’s made in the past as well. And from these mistakes, we’ve gained a much better, stronger and cooler superhero to enjoy throughout the past comics, TV shows and films. So with that, we wish Batman 75 more awesome years of crime fighting entertainment for the rest of us to enjoy, one way or another.

Happy birthday, Batman! You silly bastard.

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