Good News: We Found Christopher Columbus’ Ship! Bad News: We Lost Casey Kasem!

One of these men discovered “the new world,” and the other voiced Shaggy on the original “Scooby-Doo.” They’re both heroes.

If you’re a lover of historical artifacts, I have some very good news. Christopher Columbus’ famed ship, the Santa Maria, has probably been found. Unfortunately, another historical artifact, radio personality Casey Kasem, has gone missing.

Let’s start with the good news.

Undersea explorer Barry Clifford has found a shipwreck off the coast of Haiti which he believes is Christopher Columbus’ famous flagship, The Santa Maria. The vessel sank in the same area back in 1492 after hitting a reef. But luckily for Columbus (and unluckily for Native Americans), he and his crew were able to transfer to other ships.

“All the geographical, underwater topography and archaeological evidence strongly suggests that this wreck is Columbus’ famous flagship, the Santa Maria,” Clifford said. “The Haitian government has been extremely helpful — and we now need to continue working with them to carry out a detailed archaeological excavation of the wreck.”

Good to see the Haitian government is lending a hand. Maybe after they’re done with the 500-year-old boat, they can try to tackle that whole extreme poverty/AIDS crisis. Or not. It’s their call.

Now, onto the bad news.

Casey Kasem is missing. Some of you maybe be asking yourselves how a celebrity goes missing in this day and age. Others, especially those of you under 35, might be asking yourselves who the hell is Casey Kasem? The answer to both questions is shut up and read further.

To put it simply, in his day, Kasem was like Ryan Seacrest, except you didn’t want to punch him as hard. He’s most famous for hosting American Top 40 and for voicing Shaggy on the original Scooby-Doo. Here’s a clip of him raising money for sick kids.

Currently, he is suffering from advanced Parkinson’s disease and can no longer speak. But even if the 82-year-old could talk, his children would not be able to communicate with him because their step mother has moved him to an undisclosed location “out of the country.”

That news didn’t sit well with a Los Angeles Superior Court Judge, who ordered investigators to find him. Rumor has it he’s on an Indian reservation in Washington state, which is technically out of the country, but it’s not as cool as if he’d become a mute warlord in Laos, or something badass like that.

At any rate, it’s worth noting that Casey was one of the earliest celebrities to get caught on tape having a meltdown. Keep in mind, this was well before the Internet made this type of thing so common. He’s a true pioneer who helped pave the was for the likes of Christian Bale, Alec Baldwin and many, many more.

Let’s hope they find him soon.