A vacuum salesman for a Canadian company called Bissel really went the extra mile for his corporate overlords recently when he ate pasta off of a subway floor in order to demonstrate how clean his product makes any surface. Does the vacuum lay down brand new tile and flooring? Because that’s the only way I would believe that this guy didn’t just consume homeless man fecal matter remnants.
After running a quick vacuum over the surface which becomes miraculously white and shiny, he proceeds to dump pasta on the floor, tuck in a napkin and fork mouthfuls of noodles into his pie hole. Horrified onlookers audibly gasp as he proceeds to mop up the sauce with a piece of bread. Mmmmm, yummy hepatitis.
I hope it was a good last meal.
OK, so it’s a viral marketing stunt; well it got our attention. Mainly because of how idiotic it is. There is one hundred percent no way that any vacuum is going to be able to wash away years of filth, germs, semen, vomit and Ebola that has been ground into that public train platform. Their new slogan should be: “Bissel; our salesmen are so desperate they are willing to literally eat shit to sell a vacuum. Bissel.”
The company actually says “The new BISSELL Symphony All-in-One is an amazing hard floor cleaner that vacuums and steams at the same time. You get a clean hard floor without using a mop and bucket or harsh chemicals – all you need is water.” Wait, so he only used WATER to wash that floor? Um, yeah that wasn’t parmesan cheese on that pasta.
The napkin is to catch other people's vomit who are watching him eat.
The floor eating man, Ravi Dalchand, proudly states at the end of the video that he is the Senior Brand Manager which is good news for the Junior Brand Manager who will be getting a promotion soon when his boss dies of cholera.
Although I have to give Bissell credit for the campaign; back in the day salesmen used to go out of their way with epic showmanship to demonstrate the worth of their product. These days all a company does is show a few sexy models using their crappy product to some of the dubstep music and kids will throw down cash for it. To paraphrase a recent South Park episode “F*ck you, you’ll buy it.” So A plus for effort , but would you eat off of a subway floor that this vacuum cleaned up?
Clean Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney