THIS IS HAPPENING APRIL 1, 2013 AT 2pm PST. READ FOR MORE DETAILS!
A while back, I asked for suggestions on what I had to do to receive a free iPad from my boss. And, boy, did the Break audience respond.
Before we get into what I will do (and if I really will do it), let's take a look at some of the more interesting suggestions.
Brandon-Cofield-730 wrote: Have your boss select his favorite cartoon character and get a tattoo of said character in the location of his choosing. (My suggestion is to have the character drinking semen. You brought it up).
This is a good one, Brandon, and you found a way around my "no semen" rule. That's double creative points for you. Luckily, this suggestion did not win because I would probably have pussed out.
This how I would have looked with my boss's favorite character.
DirectOrDie said "Get hidden video of you throwing a temper tantrum in an Apple store because your boss won't buy you one. If you could flail on the ground that would be nice...."
We were actually hoping this one would win because it would have made for a pretty great video. Plus, my temper tantrums are hot, yo.
Cool-Jon-1 suggested "Create a Contest on Break where we the viewers can win a contest to meet one of the hot chicks in one of the videos (you have to figure out how to get her) and have a dinner with them."
Yeah, because that wouldn't be awkward or creepy. You, with your erection, sitting across from a hot chick who really doesn't want to be there anyway. Besides, all the ladies are usually eating dinner with me. And by "eating dinner" I mean "kissing privates."
Pyrotechnic101 said "Make a video where you kick you boss in the balls and have him hand you the money and thank you after."
My boss had an issue with this. I didn't. Needless to say, we agreed to disagree.
Hamandcheese exclaimed "Eat a bowl of dicks then post it on you tube."
What kind of dicks? Before I would have agreed to this, I would have needed to know which species of dicks I would be ingesting because there are quite a few kinds on my "never eat a bowl of" list.
But Meje's suggestion was the winner: "Take all of the food challenges in order - a tablespoon of cinnamon, then eating 3 ghost chilis, and then finish off the trifecta with bananas and sprite (ya know, so you get to enjoy the chilis twice...) - and to be clear, this is in one continuous video, not an edited "do it over 3 days" thing."
Well, shit. My first instinct is to say no because this is going to suck. I will look pathetic! I'll be vomiting, crying, and my face will be all fat and red. My pride is worth more than this!
Then I laughed and decided I'd do it! Why not? It's a free iPad and it doesn't seem that bad.
Well f**k me. Okay, this will suck, BUT IT WILL HAPPEN!
On April 1, 2013, I will run this food eating gauntlet, probably fail hard, but receive a nice, crisp, new iPad (I've been guaranteed it will be new. It could be a new old one, which would suck but hey, touché).
Join us on Break at 2pm for this masterpiece of failure and magic! F**k it! We're doing it live!