It’s that time of year again, when everyone gets to dress up as a sexy fill-in-the-blank. Society has evolved so far now that there’s nothing left we can’t meld with cleavage and a short skirt and call it a Halloween costume. Sexy Donald Trump? Sexy Pizza Rat? Sexy bin Laden? All out there.
But if you want to get really crazy, you need to get into the weird costumes that have no business being sexy no matter who wears them, the ones you look at and think “huh…yeah, I would” but you don’t say it out loud because you don’t want to be judged.
11 – Planet of the Klums
Heidi Klum’s Halloween costumes are infamous, but this one has to be the best/worst. There’s ape boobies. Just try to deal with that.
10 – S/He
The fact you can’t tell which half is real will probably make you frown to yourself.
9 – The Demon
Despite a reputation for having slept with countless women, few things are less sexy than Gene Simmons. He’s Gene Simmons. He’s almost the opposite of sex, plus he seems to be wearing a helmet made of pubes. And yet, this picture is kind of alright.
8 – Adele Hitler
The whole schoolgirl thing is a fetish for a lot of guys. The worst human in the history of time is generally not, however.
7 – Birdo
Straight out of Super Mario Brothers by way of a San Francisco fetish party comes vinyl maid Birdo. Look at it for a sec, then ask yourself how you could tell if it’s even a woman.
6 – Present Day Marilyn
On the one hand, nice body. On the other hand, it looks like it’s probably riddled with maggots.
5 – Admiral Ackbar Bunny
Unsung hero of the Star Wars franchise, few things are more confusing than fish boobs. Go on, make a joke about the smell.
4 – C-3P0
Who’s the sexiest protocol droid in the galaxy?
3 – Scare Bear
She seems hot and all, but for real, that bear face is just awful. That’s full on horror movie.
2 – Human Centipede
Before the movie, the idea of faces in butts was like 50% gross and 50% awesome. Then we saw the movie and it became tragic. Still, this is a chick on all fours wearing bandages with a face in her butt.
1 – Tyrion Lannister/Stephen Colbert/ Heisenberg
There’s something at once both awesome and horrifying about these ultra-realistic masks that have become popular over the last year years, and now they’ve evolved to their most terrifyingly awesome state yet – topping hot bodies with the unhottest of heads. We all love and respect Stephen Colbert, Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones, but man, this is the kind of stuff that will give you boner an anxiety attack.