The 6 Types of Characters in the Walking Dead

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Mar. 11, 2014

For four seasons now the dead have been wandering across Georgia like lazy mall patrons in search of a Cinnabon.  The Walking Dead is as popular as ever and new characters are constantly being added to the show as old ones fall victim to very slow zombie attacks or, as is more often the case, crazy humans.  What’s become clear after all these years is that only certain types of people seem to be cut out for the zombie apocalypse.  What kind is people?  Have a look!

 

 

 

Such as: Carl, Beth, that entire family the Governor meets in the apartment building, Eugene, Lizzie, Mika, any child, really.

Why: People have been sick of Carl since the first season, and at least they got rid of his pain in the ass mother, but that hasn’t stopped a never ending stream of people who are still alive despite being surrounded on all side by cannibal corpses and mad men.  How did so many little girls survive while Rick is the only cop in all of Georgia?  Where are all the Ted Nugent style survivalists?  The kung fu masters?  The retired Black Ops soldiers?  The professional wrestlers?

 

 

 

Such as: Darryl, Merle, Joe

Why: Obviously the Dixon brothers fit in here but they’re not the only ones.  Joe, the latest character to pop up on the show with a Vegas-inspired shirt and a crew of maniacs seems to fit the bill as well, not to mention those maniacs and their bows.  How many people do you know who can use a bow effectively anyway?  Joe even made that point in the last episode.  Only people who know how to hunt possum are good enough to roll with him.

 

 

 

Such as: The Governor, whoever was cutting up those rats, Carol, Rick, Joe, Carl, Michonne

Why: On the one hand it makes sense that the brutally insane have an advantage, so maybe the fact Carl seems like he’s batshit crazy is why he’s still alive after all.  But doesn’t it seems like a lot of people are insane?  So many people are insane we need to grade their insanity.  The Governor was an unacceptable level of insane, but we’re meant to be OK with Rick’s level of talking to his dead wife and random brutality insanity.  Same with Carol who occasionally lights bodies on fire.  And Michonne who, since we met her, has been a lawyer with a samurai sword who removes the arms and lower jaws from zombies so she can take them for walks.

Incidentally, who did kill all those rats?

 

 

 

Such as: Glenn, Milton, Bob, Eugene

Why: Glenn’s presence is nothing but the physical manifestation of bafflement.  Sure he’s an interesting character and probably a lot of peoples’ favorite – he’s like an everyman.  He’s not insane, he has no special training, it took an apocalypse for him to find a girlfriend.  But all of that makes you question how he lasted so long anyway, not to mention Woodbury’s nerd scientist and the newly added Kenny Powers look-a-like Eugene.

 

 

 

Such as: Maggie, Rosita

Why:  It makes perfect sense that attractive people have just as much likelihood to survive the apocalypse as anyone else.  We’re not complaining.  We won’t even ask why Rosita dresses like she’s in the porn parody of The Walking Dead.

 

 

 

 

 

Such as: Anyone whose name you can’t remember, people who are kind

Why: At first glance you’d mistake this entry for that first one, people who have no business being alive, but there’s a difference.  Those people you’re waiting to watch die.  These people, fodder, actually will die and probably you knew it was coming.  Look at poor Herschel.  It was obvious from the first moment he showed up he was going to die, the man was too damn nice.  These people are the Walking dead red shirts, either they never have a line so they only exist to be eaten, or they have nothing but profound lines and their time as a mentor figure needs to be cut short because the world is awful.

12 comments
paul_revere
paul_revere User

I just wish zombie apocalypse could really happen. I would love to shoot holes in 99% of society. I think one of my neighbors is in the final stages of his transformation into full zombie, along with most of the drivers on the road.

thesaynt
thesaynt User

How about a spelling check before you post? Were you really in that much danger of being scooped by The Chive about your Walking Dead piece that you had to make such a command decision??

TheWuziMu
TheWuziMu User

One more character type: People I want to see eaten.


Read: Everyone on this show.  Kill 'em all and start from scratch


lordtoad
lordtoad User

Yes, Lizzie killed the rats. Did anyone see her casually kill the little bunnies, stuffed into the log?

oc4x4
oc4x4 User

Who killed the rats? Lizzie. the little psycho girl who tried to smother the baby.

T-Bone
T-Bone User

I'm with the Langolier. It hasn't been good since the second season or so. However, I'm hanging on, unable to quit until the end. I keep hoping that something terrible will happen to Carl, as he is the most unlikable character there has ever been. I'm ready for it to be wrapped up completely. Just let Darryl find a usable chopper beside the interstate somewhere so he can ride off into the sunset. The others would find a way to die with or without zombies, who are about as dangerous as slightly mobile wood chippers. Just don't fall into one. It really should be that easy.

The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

I still watch it.. For some reason, but I was never sold on the concept that slow moving zombies could ever cause so much damage in the world. There is also questionable attributes that the zombies have, such as not decaying, their senses, puzzle solving abilities, lack off/super strength, jaws like crocodiles. It's inconsistent. Also the actions of the people that have been handling these situations for around (2?) years. If the zombies ran, and they added some more realism, it would actually be terrifying. The blonde chick with mouse ears can die, please.

asshole1000
asshole1000 User

@The-Langolier  WTF do you mean "not decaying?" If they weren't decaying, they would just look like living people.

synweb77
synweb77 User

@The-Langolier Okay so you want a show called "The Walking Dead"  to show more realism.....  Well since zombies aren't REAL then they should just video tape old people walking around a mall.  All of these attributes you listed are what YOU think a zombie would be like.  You sir just went full retard.

The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

@asshole1000 @The-Langolier They would decay to a point and then just stop. Muscle mass and all still being functional without nutrients. Did you see any zombies that had decayed to the point where they were too weak to move? Like the ones that are trapped in rooms for the entirety of the show. Even though the show is called the walking dead, you can't just get energy from nothing. Unless it's fantasy genre.

The-Langolier
The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

@synweb77 @The-Langolier The thing is, if they don't present something I as a viewer can accept, then I'm forced to think it's a little silly. There's plenty of ways they could make the show better without changing the premise. I feel like they're taking the easy route on many parts, because it's "cool" or because it's similar to other shows. The zombies can be whatever they want them to be, but the rules that they set for their own zombies seem to change by plot magic. As for the actions of the characters. Just place yourself in their current situation, and think of what you would do.

In the last last episode,
Blonde mouse ears really badly wanted to have her first drink, because she was sad about her dad dying. Blonde mouse ears and daryl then proceeded to burn down an entire house with beds, lots of moonshine and a brewing station. They gestured a big fuck you to the house (while some lame music was playing), and left. Keep in mind they were living in the woods the previous days. That's the kind of "cool" thing people just eat up.