The “Two Floridas” Plan Would Create A New Meth-Fueled 51st State: South Florida

In the future, when we tell you about a weird news story that happened “Today in Florida,” we may have to specify which one. That’s because officials in the City of South Miami have voted in favor of splitting Florida in half to create “South Florida” – the 51st state.  They want to snip Florida’s tip, so to speak.  

Or to be more accurate, they are doing what they feel would save the Florida peninsula from becoming submerged with water. South Miami Vice Mayor Walter Harris, who proposed the South Florida resolution, says that politicians in Tallahassee, Florida’s capitol aren’t doing enough to combat climate change and address the rising sea level which some feel could eventually put Miami under water.  

“We have to be able to deal directly with this environmental concern and we can’t really get it done in Tallahassee,” he said. “I don’t care what people think — it’s not a matter of electing the right people.” 

Florida would be chopped in half – ouch! That will make other states cross their legs.

While some might scoff at the idea, the brass in South Miami are starting to heat things up.

“It’s very apparent that the attitude of the northern part of the state is that they would just love to saw the state in half and just let us float off into the Caribbean,” Mayor Philip Stoddard said.

I don’t live in Florida, and therefore, don’t care what they do. However, secession movements both from states and the USA are always fascinating. And since whatever they do in Florida is usually amusing, I find this pole of actual Floridians interesting. 62 percent said they are not in favor of creating two Floridas. But 32 percent want South Florida to GTFO.

Much like the recently failed Six California’s plan to separate that state, the South Florida secession movement has little chance of moving forward, as it would need both approval from Florida voters and the United States Congress. I guess that means no drug fueled car chases across state lines to escape charges of having sex with a toy horse at Walmart.

What do you guys think? Should South Florida secede from Florida to “address rising sea levels?”

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney