Thinner Oreos Are Coming To A Store Near You To Make You Even Fatter

There’s a weight loss problem in America unless you can’t see it because the fat deposits in your face are causing the gelatinous skin to grow over your eyes. Food companies are cashing in on this sad trend by releasing lighter versions of their more fattening foods and the people who make Oreos may have come up with the most insane diet creation yet.

Nabisco announced that they are releasing a new line of “Oreo Thins” that are basically the same cream and chocolate cookie but in a much thinner form. The company made their announcement on Monday and confirmed that it would be a permanent product in the company’s product line. The press release said that these new thin cookies offer “a delicious new snacking experience for anyone looking for a more grown-up option.” Technically, a more grown-up option would be something that doesn’t give you diabetes just by looking at it but to each their own.

The company also claims that it will still deliver “the delicious flavor of a classic Oreo cookie” but in a much thinner form. Why is thinner assumed to be healthier? Now that they are thinner, wouldn’t chronic eaters be able to fit twice as many cookies in their stomachs now?

Plus, these smaller junk food offerings are only a cheap and easy to way to score more money. That’s not an opinion. That’s scientific fact. Remember those 100-calorie packs of cookies and crackers that used be all the rage in stores? A study conducted by the Optimal Weight for Life Clinic at Children’s Hospital Boston found that people were actually paying more for less food. So really, this kind of thing only works if your goal is to make your wallet lose some weight.