Archaeologists Found Dracula’s Grave and Plan On Opening It

Science and archaeology are capable of doing so many things, but that doesn’t mean that they should. Jeff Goldblum expressed that very thought in Jurassic Park, and we all know what happened with that little endeavor. Humanity got stuck with two lackluster and needless movie sequels, with a third one on the way.

Scientists and archaeologists have (probably…maybe?) long been looking for the remains of Vlad the Impaler (aka Dracula). Now, researchers have finally discovered what they believe to be his burial site in Estonia.

Vlad dished out one of the bloodiest rules in all of history. His stranglehold over 15th century Eastern Europe made him a legendary and infamous figure who ordered the torture and brutal execution of scads of his subjects. His penchant for placing people on spikes earned him his bloody nickname, and his reputation sparked rumors that he drank the blood of his victims. Author Bram Stoker based his most famous villain, Dracula, off of the brutal reputation of Vlad the Impaler and Vlad’s family name, Dracul.

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Now that researchers have found Vlad’s grave, naturally they want to open it to confirm that it’s really him and see what other relics they can find. That sound you hear is all of humanity begging and pleading not to disturb the man’s grave. Even if you don’t believe in vampires, it still seems like a bad idea to disturb the grave of a man who is most likely to rise from it in order to fulfill some evil prophecy. The only reason you should open such a man’s grave is so you can allow the ancestors of his victims to kick him in the place where his balls used to be when he was alive. (Source)