The Worst Beauty Pageant Answers Ever

Every beauty pageant has a brief interview section where the contestant is asked a question based on current events. The answer is well-rehearsed, non-offensive, and doesn’t really answer anything but gives off the idea the candidate knows what they are talking about. But sometimes we’re blessed with pure magic, a contestant caught off-guard and lost, not knowing how to answer and trying her best to pull words from other memorized answers and form a new answer. And thankfully for us, it doesn’t work out.

The following are some of our favorite bad pageant answers. We’re going to be using the Miss South Carolina Caitlin Upton scale to judge these answers.

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Five Uptons is the highest a contestant can earn. Can any of them achieve such a monumentally sad level of stupidity? Let’s find out!

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If we heard Miss Venezuela correctly, she wants to make sure prostitutes and surfers are protected by laws so they can live their lives freely. We’re not going to say we disagree but we are going to say this was a terrible answer that made little sense (minus the prostitute part. That made total sense).

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This isn’t even a hard question. She could have literally said anything. She could have said, “We’d have more flowers” or “We’d outlaw comments about women being in kitchens” or “Men would have to take out the trash, YA HEAR ME!” and she would have been fine. Instead, she’s acting like I do when asked to solve for “Y”in an algebra equation (and the answer is “Y” isn’t a number, moron).

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Oh, so Hawaii is all of America? Really? I call BS. Hawaii is barely American. If Hawaii thinks they are so great, then someone should fly me out there, all expenses paid, and show me around for six fun-filled days. I dare you to prove me wrong, Hawaii.

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If bombing Pearl Harbor brought America out of the Great Depression and led us back on the path of prosperity then why isn’t Obama bombing it now? Get it together, Mr. President.

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She actually makes a solid point. You can start beautiful then study and get smart. If you start smart, but ugly, you’re screwed. You can’t do anything to get pretty. Unless you have Freedie Prinze Jr. He can work wonders!

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Step one: remove glasses. Step two: kiss me beneath the milky twilight.

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She utilizes great pageant talk on the first question but loses it on the second. She tries so hard not to offend anyone politically that she ends up offending everyone with her stupidity.

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It happened. The Upton scale has been broken. When asked a question that could have literally been answered with, “Teach kids maps and stuff,” Miss Utah answered her question in the most asinine and hilarious way possible. Congratulations, Miss Utah. You truly are only beautiful on the outside.

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– Mark (follow my beauty tips on twitter)