The Police Should’ve Let These Stranded Bikini Girls On A $150 Unicorn Raft Swim To Shore

Water is fucking scary. You get two inches of it moving underneath your car and you can wind up with thousands of dollars in damage, or if you drink too much of it without peeing you can die. Neither of those are problems that normal, semi-intelligent, everyday people will come to face with, but five women on a $150 inflatable unicorn raft learned the hard way that large bodies of water don’t fuck around:

Girls Stuck On Unicorn Raft: Geniuses At Work

According to Daily Mail, a sheriff’s deputy and a reserve deputy from the Chisago County Sheriff’s Office in Minnesota spotted the group of women floating on Fish Lake on Saturday. Amused at the unicorn, they pulled over to ask them for a photo, but noticed that the raft was stuck in the weeds.

So like any good officer when confronted with the risk of being face-to-face with five presumably attractive women in swimsuits, the pair towed them to shore with a rope. Which is silly, if you ask me – they are SO CLOSE to shore. SO. CLOSE. Get out and swim. Would I want to be pulled to shore instead of getting wet? Uh duh – but I’m a hypocrite and this isn’t a charity. Those two officers were out dealing with rainbow-colored shenanigans when there could’ve been out finding a minority to arrest, or a gram of weed in a pocket somewhere that’s just asking for a felony charge.

And if none of them know how to swim, then that’s what you get for going out on a lake in a raft you got from Walmart; These are the people who will grow up to be the reason that those inflatable water wings have a warning label that says “NOT A LIFE-SAVING DEVICE.”

[H/T Daily Mail]