Somewhere out there right this minute is a Taco Bell at which the hard shell tacos are a little less hard than they are everywhere else in America. The reason for this is that the guy who played the Sherminator in the American Pie movies apparently licks them by the stack and posts the pics on Facebook for all to see and cringe over.
Say what you will about Taco Bell, and many people do, but I love Taco Bell. It’s a hell of a fast food restaurant. It’s meat and cheese and sour cream all wrapped up in a tortilla with hot sauce and a fat cup of Baja Blast Mountain Dew sitting next to it. Of course it’s not health food but dammit, it’s satisfying. Or it used to be. Now it’s a game of bodily fluid Russian Roulette.
Would it be so bad if it was just this one unnamed employee licking taco shells and posting it online? Yes, actually. But it’s not even just that. It’s things like this guy who peed into an entire order of nachos and put it on Youtube. He says they were garbage nachos and he threw them out anyway, everyone here agrees that rarely is a small bowl of nachos a preferable toilet when you’re in a building that has a real, functional toilet available in it. Especially since the nature of a nacho means that pee ricocheted everywhere so that when he picked up the nachos he just got refried beans and piss all over his hands.
Lest you be thinking you can escape this madness by hitting up other fast food joints for a quick and greasy meal, never forget the sad legacy that these Taco Bell pictures are now a part of. Like this one from KFC featuring a lady who really loved her mashed potatoes.
Or how about this picture from Burger King featuring someone resting their feet in the lettuce.
Don’t worry though, Burger King employees tend to be much cleaner than other places. After all, they bathe in the work sinks.
Of course Dominos also featured some employees cleaning up once, including this guy who may have put a sponge up his ass before doing whatever it is he’s doing here.
The moral of this story? It’s two fold. The first is that, in this age of social media, people foolishly and grossly are willing to post the most idiotic and self incriminating things online without giving it a second thought, probably because they barely made it halfway through a first thought which is how they got into these problems to begin with. All of these people were of course fired from their jobs, except that hard shell taco kid who Taco Bell is probably hunting down with Chihuahuas as we speak. The second thing is that this kind of stuff probably used to go on all the time and still does go on with any number of people who are just smart enough to not post it online and they likely outnumber the people stupid enough to take photographic evidence. So that’s a gross thought for you to enjoy.
Straight up, though – I’m still going to Taco Bell today.
--Ian (clearly I like tacos, look at my Twitter @holytaco)