The Morning Wrap: June 28th

Too tired to keep up with the news that’s going on after you leave work?  Too distracted to start over again with what’s trending this morning?  No worries, we’ve got you covered with the Morning Wrap, a little taste of the best stories you may have missed from last night and this morning that are buzzing around the internet today.  Now you can make small talk about current events without really giving a damn about current events!

The New Yorker Goes Gayer

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If you don’t read the New Yorker (and you don’t) you may have missed the new cover featuring Burt and Ernie watching the Supreme Court on television, with Ernie resting his head on Burt’s shoulder and Burt’s arm around Ernie.  See how that works?  Means Burt and Ernie are gay.  Did Sesame Street OK that?

The UK OK’s Genetically Insane Babies

Afraid of the risk of having a child was a certain mitochondrial genetic disorder?  The UK is going ahead with a plan to allow for a baby to be made with the DNA of three people via invitro fertilization.  Mom’s egg, dad’s sperm and the mitochondria of a third person to prevent a disorder than can lead to blindness and heart failure.  Will a child with the DNA of three people be a super baby with laser vision?  Science doesn’t say yes but it hasn’t said no yet either.

There’s a Bike Humper in Sweden

Some poor shlub has actually been caught on tape in Sweden cutting open a bike tire and making sweet love to that Schwinn.  Why hump a bike?  Man, never question the Swedes.  Point is he’s a serial offender and now he’s on tape.  Hopefully Sweden’s version of the FBI is on the case.

The Tour de Doping

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According to Lance Armstrong, one-testicled, drug-abusing bicycle enthusiast, you can’t win the Tour de France without doping.  Please read that again.  You just can’t do it.  If no one in the Tour de France takes drugs, no one will win, they will just all drive off a French highway into a baguette factory and explode.  And you can’t doubt the word of Lance Armstrong, because he doped better than anyone.

You Can’t Raise Kids on Storage Wars

Sheena Johnson of New Jersey was just charged with child endangerment and released on $50,000  bail after police found out she’d be living with and leaving her kids alone in a 5×10 storage unit that had no water or electricity.  The community raised the moment for her bail which probably could have been better used to get the kids a room at the Super 8.

Berserk Baldwin

Remember Alec Baldwin?  Sure you do, he’s the Baldwin who’s made movies you’ve watched on purpose.  He attended the funeral of James Gandolfini yesterday with his wife where it was reported she was updating Twitter during the service.  Baldwin was not amused by this report and then literally lost his mind on Twitter in response, because everything must always happen on Twitter all the time.

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