The weekend is upon us again, time to grind productivity to a standstill while trying to maintain the appearance of looking busy While you play Minesweeper and idly Google your own name, why not read up on the latest stories buzzing online?
WalMart of Disgust
Dare you to find a grosser story today. So this is a boy meets girl kind of thing. Boy goes to Wal Mart. Boy sees Girl. Boy is an absolutely disgusting pig-man beast. Boy hurls his own semen at Girl to express his admiration for her. Boy is arrested because obviously this happened at Wal Mart and obviously it’s terrifyingly disgusting. Look at that mugshot, too. How’s that make you feel?
Ride the Sharknado
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Sharknado premiered on SyFy last night and by all accounts it’s the best tornado/shark themed movie ever made. It’s a perfect blend of having no idea about any branch of science whatsoever, plus the carnage of sharks that can basically fly. Why you’re even at work today reading this instead of being at home watching Sharknado is a mystery to us all.
And now we wait for Sharktopusnado.
Ride the Hyperloop
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Elon Musk has given the world SpaceX and Tesla Motors. People tried to crap on both of those ideas at first but the fact is, Musk makes things happen and they work. His new plan is the Hyperloop, an evacuated tube system which is like the train, if the train was roided out and from the future. Ride the Hyperloop and get from New York to LA in an hour. That’s how awesome this idea is.
Basically it’s a literal tube with capsules inside that seat up to 6 people. The tube is an airless vacuum and the capsules travel through it at speeds of up to 4,000mph. If the man can get this built, travelling round the world will never be the same again.
Snowden Meets Amnesty International
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Remember Edward Snowden? Sue you do, he’s the guy responsible for people changing their opinion of Barack Obama from “decent but ineffective” to “James Bond villain.” Snowden, the NSA whistleblower, is still in Russia and having abit of a hard time finding a place to live because the US does not want him anywhere but back home, in prison. That’s the US government, anyway. Most citizens seem to consider him a hero but hey, not like citizens control the government, right? Anyway, Snowden will meet with Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch today to discuss how the US is basically bullying every country on Earth to refuse to let Snowden in. It’s a raw deal when you stand up to the man sometimes.
The South Must Rise
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A family in Georgia was trying to visit the Ships and Seas Museum in Savannah last weekend when they were denied entry because their daughter is in a wheelchair. Why ban a girl in a wheelchair? Because the wheels on the chair will get the carpets dirty, of course. The museum has since backtracked and decided this was the fault of an employee who didn’t fully understand policy at the museum, which is of course than anyone in a wheelchair is allowed in, but they must first stand of their own free will and walk. Just kidding! Go to museums, they’re educational.