As the week winds down, why not give yourself a break from all that hard work by coming in today wearing an eye patch. If anyone asks, you were hit in the face with shrapnel from an exploding car. You’ll look cool, sound bad ass and people will expect less productivity from you and your poor depth perception. Now on to the news!
The Saudi Princess Slave Driver
A Kenyan woman flagged down a bus in Southern California and let authorities know she’d been taken from Kenya last year, her passport was taken and she’d been forced to work excessive hours for low pay. No, she wasn’t working in a Wal Mart, she was hired by a Saudi Princess and is claiming she’s the victim of human trafficking. There’s a story you don’t hear every day. How many Saudi princesses are there anyway, and can’t they afford just regular workers without kidnapping Kenyans?
Zimmerman is Winning Over the Media
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No one likes George Zimmerman, the man who shot Trayvon Martin, mostly because even if you believe him 100% about what happened, he’s clearly an asshole who went looking for trouble. That said, it also looks like everyone believes him and a lot of people think he’s going to go free as no one seems to be able to refute his side of the story at all.
Target on Racism
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Target usually sits on the sidelines while WalMart soaks up all the terrible press, but today they’re front and center for a lawsuit over their use of a racist training manual. What’s a racist training manual, you ask? Is this just someone being over sensitive about a picture or something that was foolishly written in the 1970s that no one’s gotten rid of yet? Not exactly. The manual is designed to inform employees about multiculturalism. Here’s an except about Hispanics!
“This document instructs managers to note differences among Hispanic employees, and states the following:
“a. Food: not everyone eats tacos and burritos;
“b. Music: not everyone dances to salsa;
“c. Dress: not everyone wears a sombrero;
“d. Mexicans (lower education level, some may be undocumented);
“e. Cubans (Political refugees, legal status, higher education level); and
“f. They may say ‘OK, OK’ and pretend to understand, when they do not, just to save face.”
Incest Ain’t Best
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Bobbi Kristina, daughter of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, is in a relationship with her brother. But don’t worry, it’s not creepy because he’s not her biological brother, he was just raised as her brother from the age of ten and constantly referred to as her brother and they call each other brother and sister all the time except for when she amps up the gross and calls him “brudder.”
Kids, don’t sleep with siblings or people raised to be your siblings because, as is obvious to just about everyone else in the world, those are two completely different kinds of love and mixing them is confusing and weird. So weird.
Adult Diapers Rule Japan
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The adult diaper business in Japan is worth $1.4 billion and is expected to surpass the baby diaper business by the year 2020. If our math is correct, in the year 2045, everyone in Japan will be an old man covered in pee.