The Invention Iran Doesn't Want You To Know About

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Apr. 12, 2013

The news came from Iran and spread like a fire. They had done the impossible, and the world would be forever changed:

Iran invented a time machine.

The initial tests went poorly.

Ali Razeghi, the inventor and head of a state department dedicated to inventions, calls it "The Aryayek Time Traveling Machine." The device reportedly uses a set of complex algorithims to "predict five to eight years of the future life of any individual, with 98 percent accuracy". It then prints the results out for you to read and is about the size of a personal computer.

"Magic 8 Ball says this is is bullshit."

He wants the invention to be used by the government so they can see future military conflicts and other things that might harm them.

The main problem, though, is everyone knows this is a big ol' crock of shit and called them out on it. Iran immediately deleted all mentions of this in their press hoping that would stop the story.

Break News can safely report that Iran has no clue how the internet works.

"Guys! According to this, I do become rich by helping that Nigerian prince!"

However... what if they are right? What if they saw this would be the reaction and are laughing at all of us now? What if they knew I'd write this article and are planning something nefarious against me or my girlfriends, Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen? Oh, God... What have I done?

- Mark Potts (twitter me)

 

 

 

 

17 comments
joedoaks
joedoaks

Love the irony: A predictive time machine hooked up to a 20 y.o.+ OkieDoakie 24-pin printer (can you even BUY fan-folded-punched/perfed edge paper in those humongous boxes any more?) Dang. ... I sure am worried about them thar Persians.

rayortz
rayortz User

I predicted 1 minute into the future that this article would SUCK.

rayortz
rayortz

I predicted 1 minute into the future that this article would SUCK.

warrioricp
warrioricp

how do u keep finding three more a day to come up with.

warrioricp
warrioricp

how do u keep finding three more a day to come up with.

warrioricp
warrioricp

where's the back to the future pic.

warrioricp
warrioricp

where's the back to the future pic.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri User

I'll bet you make $50K a year and live in Inglewood, or West Holly (if your boyfriend is paying for you). Tell me I'm wrong. Oh yea... You can't.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri

I'll bet you make $50K a year and live in Inglewood, or West Holly (if your boyfriend is paying for you). Tell me I'm wrong. Oh yea... You can't.

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar User

My future is more time wasted here on Break with Mark Potts.

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar

My future is more time wasted here on Break with Mark Potts.

Mark-Potts
Mark-Potts moderator

Thank you? I don't know if this is a compliment...

Mark-Potts
Mark-Potts

Thank you? I don't know if this is a compliment...

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar User

How the F do YOU not have an avatar pic?!

DoucheVadar
DoucheVadar

How the F do YOU not have an avatar pic?!

h8isgr8
h8isgr8 User

That is his pic. He's just as dull and boring as his (f)articles.

h8isgr8
h8isgr8

That is his pic. He's just as dull and boring as his (f)articles.

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