The First and Worst Christian Rap Ever

Break.com Staff by Break.com Staff on Jan. 29, 2013

Well kids, it’s Testimony Time again and you know what that means.  It’s time to check in with Spastic Mikey and see what God has in store for us today in the world of hip hop.  Christian rap has never really been an easy genre to get into and this kid really tries hard, but, ya know…no.

0:02 – Filmed live in a basement from which no one returned.

0:03 – as an aside, could someone in the comments please speculate on what the deal is with this lady’s teeth?

0:12 – Pause it here for a sec, look at his face and ask yourself this question: why so serious?

0:15 – Oh crap, his hips broke and now he’s mounted on a swivel!

0:19 – Does God do thangs?  Is that Biblical?

0:24 – Broken hips have been healed by the lord but now he’s got the Jimmy legs.

0:28 – This is exactly how Jesse Ventura used to dress during the late 80s.

0:38 – Wait, God’s doing a new thang but since time began he’s remained the same?  These lyrics are complicated.

0:57 – He starts spinning and you can almost hear the oxygen being sapped away from his brains.  Don’t pass out, kid!  God will surely be wroth with you.

1:33 – The power of Christ may be required to compel the dancing demon from his poor soul.

1:47 – Everyone in the office was sure the kid was having a seizure at this point.

1:51 – YEAAAAAAHHH!!

1:55 – “I want you to hit me as hard as you can” – Tyler Durden.

2:26 – So, to summarize, Christ is the focus of Michael Clancy’s daily walk.

2:50 – Drop mic.  DROP THE MIC!  COME ON!