Welcome to a new week and what is officially autumn, or "Fall" for you brevity fans. Let’s see what’s buzzing.
Television awarded itself for making good TV last night. We didn’t watch because no one has ever produced an entertaining or even marginally interesting awards show, but as you could have guessed, Breaking Bad won Outstanding Drama because it really is an outstanding drama. The rest of the awards were given out over the span of many hours and random musical numbers and the ratings were expected to be pretty much at a low for the show, making you wonder why, if every year awards shows receive all time low ratings, they keep putting them on TV.
The Penile Amputation
Man, this story is just uncomfortable. A 66-year-old Colombian man was going to impress his girlfriend by showing off his sexual prowess, which he planned to achieve by overdosing on Viagra. Here’s a hot tip – do not overdose on Viagra.
The result of the man’s plan was an erection that lasted several days. Days! Once at the hospital he was diagnosed as having an inflamed and fractured penis that was already showing signs of gangrene. To prevent the spread, the whole thing had to be amputated. Feel free to cross your legs and frown now.
The Ultimate Flu Vaccine
The flu is an awful illness that at best makes you feel terrible for a day and at worst will kill you and most of Europe. Because there are so many strains, it never seems to go away and the news loves to tell us how the newest strain is sure to kill us all, even though that never happens. But good news! Research may have found a way to immunize against any kind of flu, even strains we haven’ encountered yet.
At the start of the swine flu epidemic, the Imperial College of London monitored over 300 staff and students to see if they’d get the disease and how it progressed. They discovered that those with certain types of T Cells didn’t seem to get sick. Those T cells are now the basis of their research for developing a universal vaccine capable of targeting the core of a flu virus and destroying it regardless of the strain.
The Hardest Working Lawyer In the World
Lawyers get a bad rap a lot of the time, but here’s one we can be proud of. Ben Swift, from Dayton, Ohio is a hard working man. He does so much work as a publicly appointed attorney it’s hard to imagine how he has time to do anything else, especially when some days he ends up billing the state for 29 hours of work. In a day.
According to Swift’s own lawyer he did all the work he said he did, so he can probably get nominated for that Nobel Prize in physics for bending space time in the near future. Or the past, depending on how he uses his time abilities. That aside, his billing time averages out to over nine hours a day, every day, all year long.
Swift was audited, and it turns out the Court doesn’t believe he worked 29 hours in one day, so he’s going to face some sort of disciplinary action.
Womanhood? Nope, Gunshot
This story is sad for any number of reasons – a 10-year-old girl in California woke up in pain with blood in her underwear and her parents assumed she’d started her period. Unfortunately, what had actually happened was that she had been shot. A bullet from a drive-by shooting had actually hit her in the buttocks and her parents had not noticed the wound. When she was supposed to go to school about five hours later and was still in pain, her parents took her to see a doctor who discovered the gunshot wound.