The Daily Wrap: September 12th Staff by Staff on Sep. 12, 2013

Hello Thursday, goodbye “most of the week.”  It’s now the slow, easily roll towards the weekend.  Sweet.

We’re Arming Syria! Good For Us!

One day after we remember terrorist attacks on our own soil, news breaks that the CIA is supplying weapons to the Syrian rebels to help them in their civil war.  Take a moment to try to recall any time in the past when the CIA gave weapons or aide to a foreign force and what happened in that situation.  Don’t worry, you can Google it if you need to.  If you’re pressed for time, the CIA may have supported Osama bin laden, Saddam Hussein, the Ayatollah, Pinochet in Chile, Suharto in Indonesia, Manuel Noriega, Papa Doc in Haiti and several others.  So basically, if the CIA supports someone, you would do well to bet money on them committing genocide later in life. 

That said, current aide to Syrian rebels consists of light, trackable arms, so maybe they’re trying to keep the fallout to a minimum in case they picked the wrong pony this time. In any event, when Vladimir Putin is writing NYT op-ed pieces that make it seem like our country is the irresponsible one, you know it’s time to clean up our image.


The 73 Year Old Jerk

Police in Greenwich, Connecticut have arrested a 73 year old lady who apparently spends her time vandalizing the neighborhood. Janina Slomiana was charged with 6 counts of criminal mischief and they suspect she’s responsible for up to 20 incidents in which neighborhood cars have been keyed.  One truck was damaged so badly the cost was pegged at $6500, so she may have scratched an entire door off.  When asked if she committed the crimes her eloquent answer was “no” before slamming the door on reporters. 


Terry Jones Goes Down in Flames

Remember Pastor Terry Jones?  He’s the Florida Pastor with the epic mustache who famously hates Muslims and was behind the Innocence of Muslims film that was blamed for numerous riots in the Middle East.  He also burned the Quran in 2011 which sparked riots leading to several deaths in Afghanistan. This year he planned to burn an entire trailer full of Qurans, one for every person killed on 9/11, but was arrested while towing the kerosene-soaked books on charges of unlawful conveyance of fuel, and also on an open carry and a trailer registration violation.

The problem with Jones, aside from the obvious of course, is that he wants to get this attention but put others in a position to pay for it.  He burns a book and US soldiers and people abroad get killed in riots while he accepts no accountability.  The military has asked him repeatedly to not do what he does as it puts soldiers at risk, but of course he keeps doing it, possibly due to that mustache sapping precious resources from his brain.


World Record Bag Swim

If you’re ever afraid you’ll never win a Guinness World Record because they’ve all been won by someone else better than you, never fear, there’s still hope for you winning a record no one has even thought of.  For instance, a Bulgarian man is trying his hand at getting the world record for swimming in a bag.  Jane Petkov had himself bundled into a sack and tossed into a lake where he swam like a dolphin on his back for over 2km.  And while swimming that far in a bag is actually impressive, Guinness has yet to make any official statement.


Forest Boy Discovered

These stories are always kind of mind-blowing, but apparently a 20 year old man has been found in Siberia living in the woods where he’s been for the past 16 years.  He told those who found him that his parents decided to leave society in 1997, because that’s a thing you can do, and just went to the woods.  And then last May his parents maybe opted to rejoin society but left him behind because they took off and he was alone.  Officials in the closest town are looking to get him set up with ID so he can get government assistance, in case he ever decides to not live in a mud hut in the woods.

NickyClickus User

U.S. gets involved in wars: "You crazy gun loving americans just have to get involved, HUH!? VIOLENT PIGS!"

U.S. doesn't get involved: "WTF, people are dying and you lazy americans just sit there in your SUV's and do nothing!? LAZY PIGS"

Can't win either way. USA rocks.

Joe-Keller-187 User

It's not all Terry Jones's fault.  It's the media covering the story and telling people of his crazy ass antics.  Basically I could take a thousand Quran's and burn them and if no one found out about it all would be safe accept me (If I chose to believe the religion).  But If the media found out and ran a news story and it got overseas then there would be riots etc.

Mike-Emmons-39 User

Hey Break? you do know that a big chunk of those "Syrian Rebels" are Al-Qaida, right?

D1M1T User

you americans cant help it when it comes to war right? you always have to get involved.

and then u keep  bitchin about 9/11 every year . fuck that i say its its just a tiny bit of karma for your sorry asses

COHockey User

The USA is becoming a brown stain on the ass of the earth. For you foreigners..... MOST OF US DISAGREE WITH OUR GOVERNMENT. But like other silent Fascist dictatorships, what can we do about it? Swim in a bag to a forest and live in a hut with a big mustache?

D1M1T User

@NickyClickus yes youre right america rocks.everytime you go to war is to help people. never to help your greedy asses

jbart321 User

@mimoru1 Well, at least we are the only country that doesn't sit on their hands and watched innocents killed daily.  But you go ahead and sit on your throne because I am sure your country is perfect.  Douche.

Andrew-Bear-634 User

@COHockey  No we should be like Europe, DO NOTHING. And let someone else protect us. Oh wait its the US of A that kept the ussr from stomping all  of Europe. After we stopped Hitler. I say fuck all other countries, us navy need at least 100 new attack subs. And block all us aid, meds, foods, everything from going abroad.

PlutosCharm User

@Andrew-Bear-634 @COHockey exactly! Dont forget that those people doing nothing to help other countries are the same ones calling us War mongers then begging for us to send them 6000 troops for aid in their blockades.