Welcome back, Break folks. It’s a new week and that means new news. Maybe even better than last week’s news. Let’s find out!
Ninjas or SEALs?
The Head of the US Joint Special Ops Command probably has a lot of stuff to do to keep busy, but no question he faces is likely as important as the one posed by Walker Greentree, a 6 year old boy who knows the score – who’s quieter, a SEAL or a ninja?
The question came up while Greentree was playing with a friend and they had to argue over who would be quieter. In order to find the definitive answer, Greentree wrote to Admiral William McRaven who gave this official response “I think ninjas are probably quieter than SEALs, but we are better swimmers, and also better with guns and blowing things up.”
So there, now you know.
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What’s worse than a diet consisting of nothing but McDonalds? Well, for starters, that whole documentary by Morgan Spurlock was a little forced and unreliable, but nevermind that because a 69 year old man decided to hit up the McDonalds drive-thru in, where else, Florida. The cashier was handing him his change when she realized the man was pantsless and enjoying a round of five-knuckle shuffle. He grabbed the cashier’s hand and tried to get her to touch Ol’ Nasty but she pulled away and called police. He was arrested a short time later with a t-shirt covering his junk. Check out the mugshot for added weirdness.
Fly the Friendly Skies
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A 9 year old Minneapolis boy, years ahead of his time, decided his home was boring so he headed to the airport where he managed to not only get through security but on board a flight to Vegas. It wasn’t until in the air, half way to Nevada, that the flight crew noticed something was odd about the little boy flying alone who wasn’t on their list of passengers. Crack security at airports these days.
The crew called the police in Vegas who had child services pick up the boy. Meanwhile, back home, police went to his house to talk to his parents who admitted they hadn’t seen much of him that day. The TSA blamed the government shutdown as a number of employees have been furloughed and those who are still at work apparently just don’t care who you are and if you belong on a plane.
Also impressive is that security footage shows the boy lifting a bag from baggage claim then heading to a restaurant to order lunch. After eating he leaves the bag and goes to the bathroom and skips out on the bill, ensuring that this wasn’t a mistake, that kid absolutely wanted to go to Vegas and pulled it off. Nice job.
Death to Poachers
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Plan to go elephant hunting sometime soon? Maybe reconsider that. Given that elephants are endangered and poaching is a big business, the Tanzania Minister of Natural Resources and Tourism has come up with a method of combating poaching in the field – summary execution. Because poachers are willing to not just kill elephants but any game wardens who try to catch them in the field, it would be easier to simply kill them than try to catch them and put them on trial.
There is No FDA
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While the government is still shutdown, if you’re unsure it’s even affecting you at all, just remember that the FDA is not at work nor has it been for the last week. That means all homegrown food is going uninspected, but so is all imported food. Like shrimp, for instance, which so routinely comes into the country already decomposing and teeming with salmonella it’s red-flagged by the FDA and inspected all the time normally. Except not last week, and not today. Do you eat shrimp? Maybe leave that off the menu for a few weeks.
Now think of all the other food you eat and the country it comes from and whether you’d happily trust their food standards. Not only do we have no one inspecting food, we have a world full of people who know it and maybe some of the more unscrupulous types would use this opportunity to unload less than stellar product on us. Maybe.
Anyway, enjoy your lunch.